Still Suffering Because The World Blows (POCD, I hope)

The depression is strong today. I feel like nothing will ever be okay.

I'm sorry about the depression, I can definitely relate. I think we must just take it one step at a time and do what we can to mitigate our symptoms. Better said than done, I know.

Do you work out at all? I find that working out is actually kind of stressful (at least lifting), but afterwards it (sometimes) feels like it has reset my brain. The anxieties are still there, but less strong and dread-inducing. Perhaps you can get a workout in?

Keep your head up.

I've read exercise helps, although I work at a moderately physical job, that can't possibly equate to something as simple as a nice walk. I keep putting off walking... I really need to give it a try.

Well, I finally went to my appointment. My therapist seems to think all this stems from self-loathing.

self loathing in what way? I mean, I'm pretty good at hating myself, but POCD hadn't really entered into it. Do they think this is a self-punishment, of sorts? I mean, I've known users here, who seem as if their brains go out of their way, to suck the fun out of every possible thing, so I suppose I could understand what your T said, from that point of view.

Well, I told her about the earliest memory I have of this situation (thinking "wouldn't it be messed up if I molested one of my young relatives? I would feel so guilty!"), and about how I don't like the way I look, and she suggested that I was subconsciously trying to convince my self that I'm the worst thing I could possibly think of (a p*do, of course) because of how much I dislike myself.
So now whenever the thoughts come up, she wants me to tell myself 'If I were one, I would know'.

Glad to hear you're in therapy, Why.

Have you talked to your therapist about your potential Pure OCD diagnosis (I only say potential because I don't know if you've been diagnosed or not, not because I doubt it)? What does he/she think?

Well, I never said it was PURE ocd. But the first time I saw her, she did go ahead and diagnose me with ocd. But she's not necessarily an expert on the subject.

WhyDoIExist wrote:Well, I told her about the earliest memory I have of this situation (thinking "wouldn't it be messed up if I molested one of my young relatives? I would feel so guilty!"), and about how I don't like the way I look, and she suggested that I was subconsciously trying to convince my self that I'm the worst thing I could possibly think of (a p*do, of course) because of how much I dislike myself.
So now whenever the thoughts come up, she wants me to tell myself 'If I were one, I would know'.

And that's about what I figured.... sometimes I think we punish ourselves.

So, you think there's some truth to this?