Anyone please?!?!?

So if y’all know I’ve had hocd now for about 4 years now! I’ve had ocd all my life also. Tonight I went out with a girl I actually did enjoy her kisses, but not too sure If I was a 10% attracted to her but things went all the way! I was very tired also haven’t really slept in two days! Anyways idk why tonight it felt like the boobs were gross for a minute and the other area, it’s felt as if I knew I was gay. But then we did it again and I enjoyed them, I actually wanted it this time! But I left and on the ride home the gay part stuck with me so I looked articles”realizing I’m gay at 23” and one popped up and one sounded like it could be me. The guy said he never really enjoyed sex or kissing with women and he knew he was attracted to men. There’s times I don’t enjoy sex or kissing sometimes it can be boring, but there are times I’ve loved and didn’t want it to stop! But with lately it feels my attraction to men are real and it’s like I could want it sometimes!! Idk who I am anymore idk if it’s because of all these years of obsessing or what, I went back to masturbation watched gay porn coudkbt really stay aroused to the image of a dude it seemed liked my body wasn’t bothered but then again i couldn’t finish or stay erected so I tried women and boom! Do I sound gay cause I really feel like I am

This is my 4th year also, except I'm more than ever sure that I'm actually gay.
It just took me half an hour to reach climax to pictures of naked women, and even that feels like it's just because of the actual masturbation and not from arousal, and after I do, I feel kinda better because I lose my libido and I feel like I lose the arousal and attraction towards men, which is again another proof that I'm actually gay. OCD people always have the same feeling, even after masturbating. And they always know that they have OCD. I'm 100% gay and I don't know what to do

I just don’t know if it’s ocd no more or if it was?!? I mean tbh I don’t think you’re gay but you also know how I feel I just don’t anymore, when I said I was gay and read that stuff it felt so real

jbell777 wrote:I just don’t know if it’s ocd no more or if it was?!? I mean tbh I don’t think you’re gay but you also know how I feel I just don’t anymore, when I said I was gay and read that stuff it felt so real

By what I read, what you said is obviously not gay. But for me it's different. Just look at this alone and you immediately see I'm gay I'm in so much panic now I don't know what to do, I feel like I want to throw up, because I know it's all real...

I just compared how my penis reacted to when I think of guys and when I think of girls. And everytime I think of having sex with a guy or a girl, it looks like increases in size for both a little I feel calm and relaxed when I get it on girls, and on guys I feel anxious because I'm afraid... But it's the same reaction in reality. I'm just afraid of being gay, but I actually am truly gay/bi. I just feel like I have to be with a guy otherwise I'm just telling myself not to do it because I'm scared of finally realising it completely:(
The last couple of days I'm feeling like I want it and keep thinking of it more and more, and I thought about it for a while and my panic kinda went away and I thought now I'm really enjoying it completely and feel like I've accepted it
Most of the time, I just tried to tell myself that it might have been OCD and ... OMG I just realised that I'm writing the definition of denial. I tried to tell myself that it didn't really happen the way I think and so it might be OCD. This is literally the definition of denial.
And I know it happened and stuff like this are happening non-stop now But I just deny it. It's over. I'm gay in denial
I used to feel like I didn't want it, probably just because I was telling myself this. But now I feel I want it more and more and that now I've finally completely realised the truth and that's what I really am

Everything you just said sounds like me, but at the same time I don’t think you’re gay or bi! You’re in constant anxiety, I know because I am. Just I feel no matter what I find every guy attractive, then the next moment and I see a girl and I’m like wow! So I know I can’t really be fully gay! We gotta find away to beat this I hope we can cause I know I don’t wanna be gay

jbell777 wrote:Everything you just said sounds like me, but at the same time I don’t think you’re gay or bi! You’re in constant anxiety, I know because I am. Just I feel no matter what I find every guy attractive, then the next moment and I see a girl and I’m like wow! So I know I can’t really be fully gay! We gotta find away to beat this I hope we can cause I know I don’t wanna be gay

You surely aren't in my opinion. But I actually get an erection I remember when this all started when I kept checking, I also checked to gay porn and I started getting an erection, I'm almost sure, but I kind of deleted it from my memory because I was losing my mind. Now this is happening, I'm watching a movie and it shows a scene where a man and a woman are having sex, but it's not explicit. But it showd their faces and I imagine that it's a guy instead of a woman and I still got it
I imagine guys having sex / grinding on each other, and I imagine putting our penises together and I think I also start getting it... And I'm saying "I think", but it's just because I don't want you to tell me I'm actually gay, because I know it's true.
I used to be ok for a long time, still obsessing over it, but I was kinda thinking it's OCD and I felt good. Now it came to the final realisation, because I actually get aroused to gay stuff and I'm now 100% sure of it, not only mental but also physical. It's over for me, it was just denial this whole time.
I want you to tell me that everyone gets an erection if they think of such sexual interactions, but I know it's not true. I think I probably get it to just guys too anyway.. It's just beyond any possibility that it's OCD, really...

Tbh I know how you feel! Actually every time I started getting erected to a girl I try to replace the image in my head to a dude to see if my arousal is stronger or goes away with a man. It’s gotten to the point to where all my fantasies turn to men even if I think of a girl cause I kept replacing. It’s gotten to where it’s like find women gross and touching any part of them now it’s suddenly gross but before this it was amazing! But just now I had a spike, and I feel uncomfortable, I was talking to the girl on the phone and we’ll of course I get erected or feel arousal, but then I Look at picture of a dude just a half picture and can feel a mini arousal idk if I was already erected or not I keep thinkn I wasn’t! Idk what to do I’m pretty sure a hundred percent gay

jbell777 wrote:Tbh I know how you feel! Actually every time I started getting erected to a girl I try to replace the image in my head to a dude to see if my arousal is stronger or goes away with a man. It’s gotten to the point to where all my fantasies turn to men even if I think of a girl cause I kept replacing. It’s gotten to where it’s like find women gross and touching any part of them now it’s suddenly gross but before this it was amazing! But just now I had a spike, and I feel uncomfortable, I was talking to the girl on the phone and we’ll of course I get erected or feel arousal, but then I Look at picture of a dude just a half picture and can feel a mini arousal idk if I was already erected or not I keep thinkn I wasn’t! Idk what to do I’m pretty sure a hundred percent gay

You honestly sound like classic OCD to me. Just before my mom and cousin (female) got into the topic and asked me if I found any girl. They both know what was going on with me, they were the first I told it to. But now I guess they think it was OCD and it's not this topic anymore. And I felt so bad because I feel like I have no interest in girls at all I feel like even what I once had is now completely gone.
I don't know if it's also anti-depressants, since I'm taking 200mg now. But probably not, I'm just gay
I used to have a crush and think about being with her, but now anything I think of seems just forced and like I don't really enjoy it. And when I think about guys I feel like I like it...
I just thought of a guy's body and I feel like I get turned on instantly.... And I try to deny it but I can't, I'm actually gay I also have this feeling that I want to be penetrated, and I keep squeezing it so I wouldn't feel it but I still do and I really would like it omg

I'm really gay and I don't know what to do because I'm so sure. I literally get aroused by all this I don't know what to do... And I'm just saying this because I'm scared and don't want to accept it