Can’t Sleep: Is Gender Dysphoria Or OCD Keeping Me Awake?

I’ve been trying to sleep and did a one hour guided meditation but I was unable to sleep due to the intrusive thoughts that kept popping into my mind and the associated anxiety.

I am literally terrified of these thoughts but I am scared that they say something about me and are a sign of gender dysphoria.

I wish I could stay as a man but I keep having thoughts saying I am a transsexual and I had thoughts saying “I don’t want a dick, I want a vagina” “I hate having a dick” and “I wish I had a vagina”

This terrifies me. I don’t hate my dick. I want a dick, I don’t want to lose it!!!

I feel like an anxious feeling through my body and I think it is a sign of gender dysphoria.

Being naked is a trigger for me now. Surely that means this is gender dysphoria

Ahh I can’t cope. Sometimes in my head I just shout “HELP HELP HELP”

I know that is probably a compulsion but I can’t help it.

I try agreeing with the thoughts but then I get scared as I’m not sure if I’m agreeing with them to beat the OCD or if I am agreeing because I actually do agree with them.

This whole post could be a compulsion tbh.

I dunno, it is hard to tell what is a compulsion and what isn’t.

What I do know is I find it isolating as I can’t really talk about my thoughts and I don’t know how to deal with them.

Yes, they say to just let the thoughts be there but they are terrifying. Also they say to agree with them or say maybe they are true and I do that sometimes too but I just don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore.

I hope it isn’t transsexualism. I hope I can stay a man but this could be gender dysphoria

I have other themes too: POCD and thoughts about family members or other stuff

The snapchat filters are a HUGE trigger right now as the gender swap one is everywhere.

I am distressed right now.

I actually had an ok day in terms of symptoms but in the night it got bad

I am tired of battling this #######4

Even earlier tonight I was just replying to my OCD “maybe it is true, I don’t care” I just wanted to sleep and didn’t want to buy into the ocd cycle but still the thoughts continued

I really don’t know if I am a transsexual or not

I was gonna call a LGBT helpline to talk about my thoughts but it was closed as it is late now

Having intrusive thoughts is truly an isolating horrific experience and I can’t even really talk about my thoughts with most people which makes it even worse.

I just can’t cope with all this ######6 #######4 anymore

I am terrified

I don’t want to be a woman, please don’t make me be one.

These thoughts won’t stop though

Hi, ok first of all I get this so so much p, you’re not alone and you’ll never be alone, I really don’t know how to ease your intrusive thoughts except by telling you that I feel exactly as you are feeling: my penis has never been something I was ashamed of or that I hated but since TOCD started I’ve been worried out of my mind trying to understand if I’m comfortable in my body or not, when I ask myself that question my gut tells me I’m happy with how I was made but there’s always that little voice inside my head going “are you sure? Are you sure you wouldn’t actually prefer a female body?” And it’s tiring to always fight against it cause you grow tired of it and you start believing it. Regarding trying to accept the thoughts and failing all I can say is that is normal, I get that too, we are too scared of that possibility and even thinking about admitting it as a possibility it’s terrifying.
About the Snapchat filter: yes I had a spike because if it as well so I totally get this but we also can’t isolate ourselves trying to avoid anything that triggers the thoughts. I know it’s scary and anxiety inducing but trying to ease my way into reality one step at a time really helps, when you see something that makes you anxious try to breathe deeply and try to go on with your day, I know it feels impossible but a little by little I’m positive you can work things out.