Can anxiety/HOCD convince you you have a crush?

I can’t live my life anymore. I spend my days on Google, looking for reassurence and check my body for any sign of attraction or arousal.

I’ve already wrote a post here.
I’m a 21 years old girl, I always had crushes on boys.
It’s been almost a year and nothing change, it got worse.
Sometimes I have these thoughts but I’m able to pay not much attention to them and everything is fine, but other times these thoughts are stronger. For example the previous months I had a few intrusive thoughts but I’ve been able to avoid them and live my life, but this time I couldn’t and I started again to look reassurence on a Google, test and check my body.

I am alone, I have no friends, just a few acquaintances and one day a schoolmate asked if I was lesbian (a few months later he asked to hang out, so I guess he was just joking).

One day I woke up wondering “Why did he think that?” “Am I really lesbian?”.

A few months later I started to think that maybe I was attracted or have a crush on one of my friend. I really envy her, because she has a lot of friends and boys and she has a perfect life. I want to be like her.

I don’t have any attraction feelings, when I am near her it’s normal, but I need to check if I am attracted or there are other signs of attraction.

When I was in middle school I’ve been to a lot of psychiatrics, and they prescribed me medicines for anxiety. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and I’ve also been though a period of my life where I would self harm and thought about suicide. I’m a girl with really low self-esteem about everything I do, my body and my look.

I’m currenly texting with a guy I had a crush on when we were in high school and sometimes when I fantasize about kissing him, my friend’s name pops into my head but it disappears immediately and I get anxious and I start to check my body and I google everything, I cry everytime.

Can someone relate? I get anxious, I can’t breathe and I can’t stop crying. I’d really like to talk about it with someone who can relate

Can anxiety confuse feelings and make you think you have a crush when in reality it’s just envy or admiration?

Please help me, my thoughts are getting worse and they feel real.
I don’t want to have a crush on my same gender friend, but I keep checking my body when near her.
I don’t have any other signs that I have a crush on her, but my mind keeps telling me I do.
I’m a really shy person and when I talk I tend to blush, and I keep asking my parents if I’m red on my cheeks whenever I have an intrusive thought. I also have a skin condition called rosacea and it caused redness.
I also get groinal response and I have to go the bathroom to check if I’m aroused.
I’ve read on internet that if you avoid your crush you may have internalized homophobia.
I wake up in the middle of night and my mind tells me I had a dream (not sexual) about this friend, I get anxious and I can’t stop crying, it also happens when I wake up in the morning.
My dad keeps telling me that these thoughts aren’t true, I keep asking him question about anxiety and the symptoms you may have when having an anxiety attack.
Please someone help me, I can’t live my life anymore, I’m getting more and more anxious everyday.
I noticed that these thoughts decrease when I’m outside, maybe doing shopping or just walking with my dog, but then something trigger my thoughts and they come back, and at home I keep thinking and checking my body and looking for reassurence on Google.

Hey Faith.

Yes, it can. It has done this to me several times but I'm 100% straight. I want nothing more than meet a nice girl and raise a family with her. Currently my HOCD has come back to bite me again after a large break. For almost a year I've been struggling again. It can definitely make you think you feel a certain way, although in reality you do not. I hope this calms you a little. What I've always thought of as absolute proof is to try to ask yourself the question: 'Do I really WANT to have a crush on this person?' The answer is, of course, 'no.' I'm a 21 year old guy and with my previous girlfriends and love interests (all girls) I've never minded having a crush on them. I wanted it and loved it.

Also, there is no such thing as internalized homophobia. Deep down you know this is HOCD. Your whole life has been normal until the OCD started acting up. Think of it this way: if you didn't have OCD, you would never even have these thoughts and fake feelings. It's not representative of your core self.

Also I wanna tell you that the best way to fight back against HOCD is to NOT do compulsions, mental or physical. Do NOT engage the thoughts. It's very hard because new thoughts like 'but what if it isn't OCD?' or 'maybe it's just the way I am meant to develop?' are going to pop up. These thoughts are also complete #######4! Try practicing with this. I have recently started practicing as well. Just know that I am here and experience the same things you are experiencing. You are not alone. It's a creative disease using your own fears and thoughts against you. Hang in there, girl!

Thank you for answering.
Lately I’m home all day because my job contract ended, a my compulsions and thoughts are worse than before.
I keep checking my body for signs of arousal, I know I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help it.
sometimes I feel a tingling feeling in my belly and I don’t understand if it’s caused by anxiety or it’s because I’m aroused and it’s impossible for me not to check and testing.

When you say you're at home a lot now- are you around others? I find my thoughts get rather... disturbing, if alone too much.

i spend all my mornings alone, my parents come back home in the afternoon. But lately these thoughts are worse and they feel so real, also this false attraction (I really hope it’s a false attraction) became worse. I wake up in the morning and in the middle of the night crying, sweating and I can’t breathe, I call my dad and tell him everything, he assures me that these are just thoughts, to think about something else, but then during the day something triggers my anxiety and I start my compulsions and overthinking.
Lately I’m also scared to fall asleep because I’m scared I’ll have dreams that confirm these thoughts.

Well if it's on your mind, you're liable to dream about it, anyway- which confirms nothing.

Thank you for answering me.
I will try to not think about it, but sometimes, mainly when I am home, I have an intrusive thought maybe about my friend or someone else and I start to think “why did I have that thought?” “What does that thought mean?” And I keep asking myself these question and then I start to check on Google.

Lately I notice that when I have a thought and after that I Start to check on google, my thoughts get worse, I can’t stop think about it and my anxiety increases.

(Sorry if there are some grammar mistakes, English isn’t my native language).

It's hard to not think about something you're teeing not to think about. I have found that just leaving the thought alone seems to help. I get intrusive harm thoughts and I had to make myself not worry when I get them. Ignore them and they go away muah faster. Hard to do at first, but it gets better.