Really Worried (POCD)

Hi. I've actually been here before for very similar reasons, but now I have a slightly worse worry regarding my fear of being a pedophile.
See, in order to prove to myself that I'm not one (mistake number 1), I deliberately made myself picture stroking the vaginas of little girls (ages 3 to 6, with blonde hair). However, as you might expect, that backfired. Basically, part of me thinks, well, fears I enjoyed that thought because I legitimately couldn't tell if I did mentally.
And I continued to try and prove myself wrong by doing this over and over again, but I only freaked myself out and made myself distressed.
The thing is, I actually don't like kids in general. Like, I know I don't have 'romantic' feelings for them. But still, I worry that one day I'll snap, and hurt one. I just don't want to be a monster...
Just to clarify, I've never been officially diagnosed with any form of OCD, but I hope that's all it is.

Um, I really don't want to sound rude, but if somebody could please reply to this, tell me whether it still sounds like POCD or not, that would be great. Thanks...

From what I've read from people who do have pedophilic attractions, this definitely is not it. It sounds like POCD. Most pedophiles develop their attractions just like normal sexuality, meaning, during puberty, their attraction to children became apparent as an integral, if not primary part of their sexuality. You described intense worry getting the best of you so no, you're not a pedophile. This is most likely POCD.

Even if it feels horrifyingly real?