People with TOCD, do you also experience these?

Do you ever feel like there's so much proof that you're trans? That everything makes sense, that you don't feel like your biological gender anymore and it starts feeling as if you were always of different gender? Yet, even when I say that okay, I'm trans, I'll transition, every time I feel deep in my heart that I don't want to do it. Sometimes it feels like punishement. Yet everytime I see guys one the street I get the feeling, I'm not like them. The anxiety strikes me and it seems, that this is too true to be false transsexualism. I remember in better years I would think, that things are good now but maybe if I transitioned they'd be even better? Then there's a feeling of guilt when many people around me come out as trans and transition I feel like fraud who is looking for a cop out. I can sometimes imagine that I'll be fine as a woman and I'll be happy but then there's that gut feeling that after transitioning I'll always want things to have turned out the other way. I feel very sad now and I need some support.

Hey I just saw this and I totally get what you mean, I’ve been coping with what I hope is TOCD for more than a year now and it’s a real pain, I understand what you mean when you say that you look at guys and wonder if you are like them, I do that as well and it’s basically checking how you feel which is a big symptom of ocd, I also tend to analyze how pronouns and stereotypes make me feel lately and while I never felt any pressure because of male stereotypes and pronouns being used when referring to me (they felt totally natural) I’ve been obsessing over them so much that now I question if they feel right or not.i totally get what you mean and I wish you the best