Gay breakdown after watching movie

I just watched the new Bohemian Rhapsody movie. First he liked a girl, obviously thought he was straight and later on looked after a man at which point he realised he was gay. This was not so much of a trigger on its own, but watching the whole movie, looking at the guys with tight pants and no shirts, grinding on each other in gay clubs and organising orgies, and having romantic relationships...
I started imagining having a happy gay relationship myself and feel like I started to accept that I am gay. I'm just so depressed again, I'm just in denial, I'm scared just like Freddie was when he said he is frightened. And I felt happy when he was told that he doesn't need to be scared and that people love him. It's like I realised that I can be happy even if I'm gay. And felt like I started to accept it. But I don't want to be gay and I don't want to accept it, but this is again just lying to myself. I just want to die in my sleep right now.

Hi hocdsufferer.

I saw this film too not long ago, while in a heavy episode of agonizing HOCD. I'm currently going uphill again and thought you'd might want to know what I think about your post.

When I saw the film, it spiked the hell outta me. But when you actually think about it, Freddie was never gay. He was bisexual. If he was gay, he wouldn't have been able to have sex with his wife so much. He seemed to enjoy it as well. The film is a trigger since it makes it look like Freddie somehow 'turned' gay or that he suffered 'latent homosexuality' (which doesn't exist).

As for the imagining part, you were checking. Which means you care about being straight, like me. I check a lot as well. Real gays don't have to check. Everything about your post screams HOCD. Even the relaxing feeling of being accepted even if you were gay is not a real feeling. It's just the feeling of happiness associated with being accepted, I think. It is also possible that your OCD created that feeling to convince you you're gay, which you aren't. OCD is good at creating false realities.

It's not your real life. It's just fantasy