HOCD or am I bi?

Hello, how is everyone?

I am a 22 year old gay male, I first had HOCD back when I was 14/15. Don’t remember much of it, but it ended quite quickly.

This August and this September though, I had two incidents where I saw two different female friends, and I thought they were really pretty, I then had the groinal response both times, it came very unexpextedly and gave me a lot of anxiety but I didn’t think too much about it. They were like a quick spark that was there for 1 second.

After that, in the end of November, I started thinking back to the groinal response I have had, and started thinking back to the times I have looked at women, I remembered never being aroused by them, I have always seen very beautiful women and thought they were beautiful but I have NEVER felt anything to them.

Somehow, I started overthinking, I started thinking about actually being aroused along with the two groundless responses I have had, and then I started thinking what if I am actually bi or turning bi?

Since then, every time I looked at females I would get the groinal response and be very anxious about it
, I was very uncomfortable. Then I would check if i was still attracted to males by watching gay porn. Over time, my attraction to men faded completely, and I would get the grooms response non stop to females, they started to become so real, and they keep getting realer over time, I get tingling sensations when listening to high pitch female voices, I even got a wet dream involving a woman and that has never happened until I started obsessing.

And then I started checking with straight porn, and I started checking my groin more and more and more and more and I started checking my groin ALOT. Sometimes I even get an erection from watching women in straight porn and that has NEVER happened before but I can’t bring myself to masturbate to it.

Now I talk to females, I don’t get the anxiety from the groinal response, I even feel like i get a genuine feeling of a slight crush. I have never had feelings whatsoever for females, and now suddenly I do, it depresses me at times, I can’t even feel anxious about it. I no longer feel anxious about it.

Have I turned bisexual or straight, or is this still HOCD?

So, let me make sure I understand.

You actually get turned on by females now? You are liking this new part of your sexuality? You actually approach females? And now you don't like men?

If this is true, and I didn't misunderstand ... then I can say you're turning straight. Turning straight, meaning that I wouldn't rule out being bi yet.

It happened to me too, so I believe you. I was gay like you, and now I'm bi. Never expected it.

No, not turned on...it’s just that I get the groinal response, I don’t enjoy it but I don’t have anxiety from it, it’s like my body was so so so so anxious for the whole month that nowadays it can’t get anxious anymore.

And I wouldn’t call it attraction because now a slight glimpse of a female and poof I get the groundlings response instantaneously. The slight crush feeling used to come with the huge feeling of anxiety and discomfort but now the crush feeling doesn’t have anxiety and it does not feel good either. It’s not like a real crush, more like my brain is tricking me into thinking that it’s a real crush because it really does not feel like a real crush AT ALL.

RottenFish wrote:So, let me make sure I understand.

You actually get turned on by females now? You are liking this new part of your sexuality? You actually approach females? And now you don't like men?

If this is true, and I didn't misunderstand ... then I can say you're turning straight. Turning straight, meaning that I wouldn't rule out being bi yet.

It happened to me too, so I believe you. I was gay like you, and now I'm bi. Never expected it.

I don’t want it, I’ve had OCD all my life, like Harm OCD to False memory OCD even with Harm ocd, it gives me the feeling that I want it but I know I don’t. This feeling is the same as that, and no I don’t approach women because I’m attracted to them. I talk to them first..it’s normal then out of nowhere the false crush feeling comes and it’s realky temporary like a few seconds or a few minutes.