Manual breathing

Hi,
My name is John. I have been having SEVERE anxiety and stress for the last 7 months so let me tell you my story. My Daughter was born in 2001 with Spina Bifida. She had over 50 surgeries and sadly passed away in 2010 at 8 years old. She fought every day of her life and did it all with a smile. I never once saw her throw a temper tantrum or even get mad.She was my life. When she died I was so lost for so long. I cried every day for 7 years, blamed myself all that time. She left behind a Brother who was only 5 and a half months old.

My Mom passed away in 2013 and my Father in law in 2014. We wound up in my Moms house a year ago. She had left it to my Neice who rented it and left it trashed. When I say trashed I mean to the tune of 8 huge dumpsters. So there was/is a lot of stress here considering that and the fact my Mother died here.

My Daughter died a wrongful death which we have settled and are waiting for the big check so we can move from here. We know it is not a good place for us to be at all.

My anxiety problem started when the Lawyers called to tell us we were going to settle. My Wife has the same issues as I do just so you know starting the same time.

It began with the usual anxiety and feeling like you can't breathe. Well my Mom died from a lung disease so that instantly got into my head as I am a smoker trying to quit. It went away then came back with more Lawyer stress. I went to the ER was diagnosed with severe anxiety/stress. This has been going on all summer. I could load those dumpsters no problem but when my mind isn't occupied I'm back to anxiety.

Then one night I started to manual breathe and that scared me. Now whenever the anxiety and stress gets bad I start to feel abdominal muscles tense and then i start manual breathe and hold my breath. That of course makes me more anxious. I will have a few good days then it is back. The closer we got to the end of lawyers the worse it has gotten. I get the usual anxiety symptoms and all it takes to set manual breathing off is being a bit short of breath or something silly. I can't sleep and fear going bed because I'm afraid I will manual breathe When I am busy my body of course breathes as it should.

I am so sick of all of this and being scared all the time. I am trying to find mental health help but in my area there isn't much. I know it all come from my head but I feel like I'm just going crazy most days......it sure has been a hard road.....I have been to the Doctor just a few days ago who said it is stress/ anxiety. I just feel alone with this. Has anybody else had this?

I personally used to blame all my problems on outside sources. Exgirlfriends, addiction to video games, trauma, etc. I kept thinking as soon as I get over whatever is bothering me then i'll be normal again. Eventually I got over a lot of these things only to find myself obsessed with new things. I started seeing similar behavior in my dad which disgusted me. Obsessive neediness. Like if my mom were to die I know he would be a wreck or if my mom divorced him I know he'd be the kind of person to stalk her and never get over it. When I realized I had some of those characteristics and those were some of the driving factors of my problems It made me stop blaming outside sources for my behavior.

I'm not saying you shouldn't feel traumatized for your issues with your daughter and other traumas. I'm just saying you should stop blaming your daughter and stresses for your behavior in how you handle those problems. Basically I'd recommend stop bringing up your traumas and focus more on your behavior and how you handle yourself because that's the root of the problem. Don't go around telling people about your traumas all day blaming them for your problems. focus only on your behavior because eventually you wont be able to use them as an excuse anymore. I mean you could but it would get sadder and sadder as time goes on and wont help the situation.

Some people can handle trauma with ease. Some people turn into a blubbering mess. Accept it if that's what you are and go from there. Again, I'm not trying to belittle your trauma it's horrible to lose a family member especially a child but its up to you and who you are to handle it or in your case can't handle it.


for example one time I was dating this girl. it lead to all sorts of problems. I ended up in jail for a few days because I was desperately trying to make it where she could live with me and other people kept ruining it. all I could think about while in jail was that girl and how I wanted to see her as soon as possible and how much I loved her. turns out she never really cared about me and was just looking for a place to stay. she later ruined another guy's life. hes now in jail for a long time and she cheated on him and all this stuff. she was garbage. and there I was at one point a emotional mess over this garbage woman I no longer care about at all.

its all in how you see the situation. blaming yourself for your daughters death. obsessed with what could have been. etc. eating you up inside. when the reality is you should feel none of those feelings.

at the very least do it for your daughter. if she were here make her proud that you were her dad. would she want you seeing a therapist? would she want you going around saying her death ruined your life? no. become disgusted with your behavior and youll be surprised how well that works. think differently.

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You have somatosensory obsession. Many people have it, don't be afraid, you are not alone.

I hope this will help you, it helped me a lot.

http://www.steveseay.com/treatment-body-focused-obsessions-ocd/

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