lesbian with hocd or am i faking it?

Thanks for all the posts, I seriously appreciate it a lot.

Can (H)OCD make me believe I actually don't want girls? I've been feeling major anxiety around them for a couple of days now, and when my brain says "You were never attracted to girls and you aren't attracted to them now." it feels like I accept it just like that. I don't know what that means.

Could I have possibly forced myself to be gay for all these years...

I'm struggling with a similar identity issue, but for quite awhile now and that thought is a daily thing for me now, I've tried to be gay for a whole day but it just seems so scary like I'm being in put in danger. Eventually I started to repress my thoughts and feelings and I started to get actual physical impulses to talk and walk in a submissive feminine way. I've got some serious confusion going on.... If there is a Hell I am living it. Feels like I can't even go outside anymore and everyone thinks I'm in the closet, but they wouldn't believe me anyway because I'm always compulsively doing "gay" things... I have no friends now... What the f#*k!!!!!!!!!!!! Thinking about how nice it would feel to just........ So I feel your pain there..... I've found the answer is probably something unpleasant but not as serious as we think it is.

Sigh. I don't know if it's still HOCD. It feels more and more like I'm straight.

Truth be told, the crushes I've had on women have gotten weaker with time. Or more like, since 2016, most of my crushes weren't very... heart-fluttering at first? Even with my current girlfriend, it was a tiny spark rather than a huge flutter. I'm wondering if I've just been into men for this whole time, and I forced it all... But I thought I do genuinely love my girlfriend (I'm saying "thought" because I genuinely do not know what I'm feeling anymore, or who I am).

I can't think of a situation in which I really had a crush on a guy... But now I'm kind of believing more and more that all these times I found men attractive (which has happened, and it even gave me tiny flutters; but never anything big, I never wanted to be with them either), I actually wanted them, and not women. Thinking of men barely gives me anxiety anymore, while thinking of women does. I'm starting to think that maybe I was just stubborn and didn't want to like men (for whatever reason), but I did like them and should have just gone with it earlier...

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want. I thought I wanted girls still, but now my brain is telling me I want men and I don't know if it's a real feeling/thought or not.

Gosh sweetie, if you were into men, don't you think you'd know it? Denial and 'forcing it' don't equal cluelessness. Even if it were something along the lines of not realising you were into men, the moment you found you were you'd be thrilled.

Why haven't your attractions been as strong? Besides anxiety? Age, for one thing. I don't get infatuated near as strong as when I was young. Desire and lust doesn't stay the same intensity over time, necessarily. I think you're just reading too much into this, sweetie.

Snaga wrote:Gosh sweetie, if you were into men, don't you think you'd know it? Denial and 'forcing it' don't equal cluelessness. Even if it were something along the lines of not realising you were into men, the moment you found you were you'd be thrilled.

Why haven't your attractions been as strong? Besides anxiety? Age, for one thing. I don't get infatuated near as strong as when I was young. Desire and lust doesn't stay the same intensity over time, necessarily. I think you're just reading too much into this, sweetie.

I seriously don't know at this point. It doesn't even feel necessarily "wrong" anymore. Maybe I knew all along and... I don't know. This is too much for me.

I feel the same way and I think I might be gay. Or trans. For some reason I can't get it up watching porn without a woman though which is slightly confusing.

Hi,
I'm experiencing the same feelings, but the other way around. (21 your old male)
I know it's really confusing. Like the brain is telling you something you do not want. From your post I can see that you overthink a lot. I do exactly the same. I know I do but can't stop it

jhjs wrote:Sigh. I don't know if it's still HOCD. It feels more and more like I'm straight.

Truth be told, the crushes I've had on women have gotten weaker with time. Or more like, since 2016, most of my crushes weren't very... heart-fluttering at first? Even with my current girlfriend, it was a tiny spark rather than a huge flutter.

Everytime I'm looking in my past for answers. But it doesn't work that way. Because the ocd only makes you think about the "bad" things. Make you see things in the wrong light.

Like Snaga said before. If you were into men you would have known before. If it's really bothering you I suggest you go see a psych. I'm currently visiting one and I believe it will help me.

Thoughts can be confusing but don't let them control your feelings! Remember you are not the only one.