Transgender OCD

Firstly i am 18 years old. And for 18 years i have never questioned my gender. First i had hocd and it turned trans ocd now i doubt everything i feel like trans sometimes. and my compulsions are i check myself as woman if i want it to to check my emotions and the most disturbing thing it feels that i am not comfortable with my genital area and i dont want my penis. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. i want to get rid of it... can ocd manupilate my feelings about my genital are like that.my therapist said it can but i am doubting that its not ocd i heard some trans people realize it at teenages and it gave me pure anxiety at crazy level PLEASE HELP ME

I think your therapist knows best....

I agree with the snaga.

Look, I get it, the feelings themselves are entirely overwhelming and it makes you feel like the entire world is coming to an end. Your months, sound like my beginning, and it was the worst. I will say though that I'm glad your therapist is there to help you in this. There's a constant checking involved, you got to be aware of that, the anxiety you feel? It only ties to the uncertainty, not the actual dysphoric feeling.

We can stare at the mirror, think about the possibility, and freak out until the cows come home but as far as I can tell? This thought isn't debilitating in the actual way gender dysphoria is for trans people. It sucks, it really, really sucks don't get me wrong, but knowing the fact that I'm not about to look at a woman and feel jealous of their looks or throw up at the sight of them because they got something I want, is assurance to some extent for me.

Don't get me wrong though, ocd is a little goblin that's going to keep crawling back and trying to make you feel a certain way. Conditioning your mind until you are triggered by the mere suggestion of certain things. I started off feeling bad when this came around, couldn't even eat, but most trans people I talked to said they were glad to accept it. Meanwhile, I was sitting there, bawling my eyes out over the possibility and looking at pictures of guys and telling myself "I want to be like them.." and then I found this forum and things sorta made sense. The problem is a circular thought, uncertainty itself and it can feel like things are never going to feel right until you give in to whatever your mind wants. My mind before this? told me I needed to go and find something to harm my family members with, those thoughts never bothered me because I was desensitized and I never really thought much about them. Thinking about it now? I wish I saw the signs I had some form of ocd before it got to this stage.

The point I'm making is that things look grim, but they'll get better. I write my posts, not because I'm just struggling, but because it allows me to see if others are around who are feeling the same way. It's always a pleasure to talk someone else about this, especially considering how long I've had my thoughts with me. I just hope that in time you come to mellow out and realize, the world isn't about to crash down on you, and there's time to still pick up the pieces and seek out help in any way you can. I only wish you the best!

AlwaysThinking wrote:I agree with the snaga.

Look, I get it, the feelings themselves are entirely overwhelming and it makes you feel like the entire world is coming to an end. Your months, sound like my beginning, and it was the worst. I will say though that I'm glad your therapist is there to help you in this. There's a constant checking involved, you got to be aware of that, the anxiety you feel? It only ties to the uncertainty, not the actual dysphoric feeling.

We can stare at the mirror, think about the possibility, and freak out until the cows come home but as far as I can tell? This thought isn't debilitating in the actual way gender dysphoria is for trans people. It sucks, it really, really sucks don't get me wrong, but knowing the fact that I'm not about to look at a woman and feel jealous of their looks or throw up at the sight of them because they got something I want, is assurance to some extent for me.

Don't get me wrong though, ocd is a little goblin that's going to keep crawling back and trying to make you feel a certain way. Conditioning your mind until you are triggered by the mere suggestion of certain things. I started off feeling bad when this came around, couldn't even eat, but most trans people I talked to said they were glad to accept it. Meanwhile, I was sitting there, bawling my eyes out over the possibility and looking at pictures of guys and telling myself "I want to be like them.." and then I found this forum and things sorta made sense. The problem is a circular thought, uncertainty itself and it can feel like things are never going to feel right until you give in to whatever your mind wants. My mind before this? told me I needed to go and find something to harm my family members with, those thoughts never bothered me because I was desensitized and I never really thought much about them. Thinking about it now? I wish I saw the signs I had some form of ocd before it got to this stage.

The point I'm making is that things look grim, but they'll get better. I write my posts, not because I'm just struggling, but because it allows me to see if others are around who are feeling the same way. It's always a pleasure to talk someone else about this, especially considering how long I've had my thoughts with me. I just hope that in time you come to mellow out and realize, the world isn't about to crash down on you, and there's time to still pick up the pieces and seek out help in any way you can. I only wish you the best!

Thank you so much for replying

No worries

have you ever experienced something similiar like mine (feeling weird about your genital) i want to get tid of this feeling i want to be old myself how can i do that i dont know it feels like i am turning trans slowly

I'm not quite sure about the specifics of what feeling you're referring to. I do know there was at one point when I first was overcome with these thoughts that there was this... cold numb feeling. Which only freaked me out because it felt like I was destined to become trans. Of course, later on, I recognize that when I am extremely anxious it's just a reflex that seems to happen? Like it just feels weird and everything for me at least.

i mean it feels weird to have penis i have never felt like that before. for me this is sign of being trans and i am thinking about this 7/24 every second. i wake up and start thinking until i sleep. Can ocd do thing like that. it feels like i am using ocd to cover up being trans (

Having thoughts revolving around Gender are also things I wake up with and it really bugs me out as well. I have to repeat to myself "I don't wanna be trans" under my breath constantly when they come up, it's a bad habit I've developed and such. Though the funny thing is, I just carry on with myself no matter what, I can still look in the mirror and not think twice about how I appear. Even strip down and realize that man I'm ok with my chest and my body. I think your mind must have latched onto the perception that having your genitals being the way they are and not changing them is something you need to do in order to be trans. Now it will feel like you're living in denial and all, but trust me, you wouldn't be feeling this dread if that were the case right?

I think you'd all be feeling dread at the idea of dying the 'wrong' gender, is what I think. I don't consider myself truly trans, but a part of me is disappointed at my birth sex and when I have a sleeping dream of being trans or the other sex, I don't like it when they end and I wake up. It's the same deal with my sexuality (bisexual) I may not like being Bi for loads of reasons, but it's part of me and the idea of never fully realising my desires, or the idea of having that taken away, is repulsive to me. Because it's really there. Most of the transgenders I have known, have felt depressed at being their birth gender, and relief once they begin transitioning, as if something caged has been set free and can fly again. If you were trans, really trans, part of you would yearn for it, no matter how much you didn't want to be on an intellectual level. OCD is so good at twisting things though, so it's hard to tell the difference often, I know.