HOCD Does it affect memories

Hi im a 19 year old male from France, i have been struggling with hocd for about 2 month now, sounds short for some of you but it got worse last few days!
I have always been confident with my sexuality since my childhood i was first exposed to sex when i was really young on accident (4yo), ending on a porn tv channel, seeing a woman stripping excited me at that time(which i find quit weird), weve watched it a couple timeswith my 6yo brother( at the time) and then stopped because my father putted a password to access it, i even had a ''girlfriend'' in kindergarden which i even remember the name lol, and kissed her. I rediscovered sexuality later, around 11-12 yo, and always with a single woman and it turned me on so much I started watching lesbian porn when i could (i struggled watching porn including man and woman because, because i found lesbian porn so much more exciting) growing up i got fat, complexed ( i want to specify the fact that ive always wanted to be muscular after seeing muscular man on tv etc..., because it was a sign of strenght to me and not in a sexual way) and really shy with girls, i was just fantazing about them especially when i entered a boarding school, which involves seeing a lot of men top naked and even naked guys getting out of the shower without even having sexual thoughts or finding it attractiv, the only thoughts were '' i would like to be fit like this to get girls '' or '' he is lucky not to be fat ''....
During teenager years i started losing weight for myself but also to be able to attract girls, i started noticing more and more looks from girls and it made me happy but i was still to shy to try to conclude or date one (which started to concern me with my hocd). All my friends were hanging out with girls and telling me to come with them, and eventhough i wanted to go i was to afraid to get rejected, and reliefed my desires on watching porn and masturbating. Life went on, i was really depressed because of my grandpa's death, and also had to move in his house to go to college (because my college was right near his appartment. Since then i had my 1st sexual relation with a girl at a party (was really stressed etc, struggled pretty hard lol), but i was still happy i finally experienced it. Second year of college i downloaded Tinder and met a girl, brang her into my house and tried to have a sexual relation but eventho i was excited i couldnt get a decent boner (keep in mind that im still secretly complexed by my body). At that time i just freaked out thinking because i smoked too much cigs or cannabis but life still went on. I Still fantasized about girl and even sometime the second girl i couldnt get a boner with.
But 2 month ago, the night before my first exam, i was high listening to a song and the guys said '' you are an homo who f*** heteros to reassure himself'', and freaked out about it. I started remembering a lot of things like when i was in my boarding school (2 guys my age, 13yo, told me i was a repressed homosexual because i used to be a really homophobic person which changed growing up),or later at college a friend (girl, which i secretly wanted to have relations with because she was hot), asked me if i found a man in the street attractive ( yes i was in the friendzone ), but i replyed i cant tell because i dont find men attractiv ( which was 100% true, i wasnt able to identify good male traits ), she replied to me '' its ridiculous how guys can't tell if an other man is beautifull or not, you just dont want to face your gay side'',(btw she was bisexual, which i found kind of hot).
, remembering the fact that i escalated to heterosexual porn because it aroused me more than lesbian porn (so i associated it with the fact that's because you look at the men because the first time i had an orgasm with ejaculation was with heterosexual porn, but im pretty sure before that i was just too young to get sperm coming out)
So all these memories freaked the f*** of me. I started crying i didnt want to be gay, i wanted to keep my desire and love for women's body, eventhough i struggled finding a good relationship with a girl.
I went to my exam next morning freaked out, starting to check guys in the train, comparing my reaction to girls.
I went to see my therapist, and he reassured me multiple times that according my past i wasnt gay, and it was normal to find a man attractiv and still be heterosexual (which i completly agree with),i its just that my mind was so stressed that it sticked my attention to something that was really important to me and could cause anxiety. And felt such a RELIEF, but it came back little by little and the question sticked to my head and i kept ruminating: what if what if what if. I discovered hocd and ways to stop being bothered by intrusiv thoughts, it worked at first sight and i felt heterosexual again. Few weeks later i got spiked, i was with my dog outside and met my neighbour who is kind of handsome (im even scared to right this word about a man), and started the compulsions again, trying to see if i got aroused by him and the anxiety got me thinking yes but it disgusted me so much i had to go back to my home with my dog.
I Calmed down still went with my compulsions went on forums etc, felt a temporary relief while reading a post comparing (Denial/HOCD), i could again relate to HOCD 100%, because it was saying that from early ages gay poeple felt attract to same sex, but because of that the problem shifted to '' what if i was aroused by men without noticing ?'', ''what if you were excited by body-builders and not just wanting to look like them? ''...
On my good days i feel heterosexual (i still have the question but it looks stupid to me) but on my bad days i keep ruminating and trying to convince me im in Denyal.
So Does HOCD can affect your memories like its doing on my for the past few days?
I have a meeting with a OCD specialist i contacted yesterday, in 2 weeks, he told me he will help me to get through it and that an OCD will always find a way to disturb you, but i feel like im living like hell, i keep ruminating over over and over, the previous techniques like agreeing to the thoughts are getting weeker and start ruminating again. I cant focus on anything except a few thing, and i feel good but my minds tell me its because you werent thinking about the fact that you are in denial...
I want my life back, where i could get turned on just watching a hot girl, a girl with sex desires in her eyes.... I hope someone will be able to help me because the more i get through this, the more im thinking im in denial and starting to relate to poeple in denyal.
I hope you all have a great day and if you are struggling with it, be brave and i hope you will recover soon!

*WARNING* Contains graphic contents
Again this morning i went to a p*** site looking ar d*** pics to sera if i could get Turned on by it and even a vidéo of a male masturbating, eventhough it didnt arouse me a bit, i still have the thought: «  its because you won’t allow yourself enjoy it » its the exact same thing like few weeks ago when i was so tired of the doubt i had to watch gay porn and felt disgusted about it not even aroused à bit, but i still get contrary thoughts telling me im in denial, even right now white writing tous, there is like a part of me sayin «  you do this bécasse you dont want to face it »...
pelade anyone has a clue ?