OCD and false feelings? It's destroying me, help? Insight?

Long story short, I am a woman and I have been happily married to my husband for 5 years. A little over a month ago, I had a horrible panic attack after thinking I didn't love my wonderful husband enough. As a result, my OCD spiraled (previously manifesting in small obsessions, eating disorder and perfectionism). It then led into HOCD...and then false attractions. I have never experienced thoughts like the ones I'm having, which sicken me and intrude my mind.

The thing that is truly wrecking me is the false attractions. My OCD is telling me I like a woman I work with, who previously I couldn't stand! Now I'm having intrusive thoughts about her that I hate...but then a couple days ago I told it "no, go away, I don't like her" and I had a panic attack and felt 'guilt' about this?? Why would I supposedly feel 'guilt'? Suffice to say, I rarely feel emotions and certainly not happy emotions, even towards my husband. Why is OCD making me feel like I want to be with someone I don't? And sometimes it tells me I don't want to get better? I.e. "You'll be sad when you stop liking her?" What if it doesn't go away?? It's twisted so many thoughts in my mind, as if its trying to make me feel a way I don't want to...

I've always been guy crazy, like had my first crush on a guy at 4, dated a bit, super straight. Never even once felt interested in a woman (the thought sickens me), but OCD keeps giving me these weird feelings (accompanied by panic attacks). I feel miserable. I HAVE been seeing a CBT therapist for the last 3 weeks, which have been helping, but then this hit me.

Has anyone else experienced this? I don't enjoy anything I used to love anymore. I have many hobbies, hung out with friends a lot and of course my husband. He's the only thing that gives me a positive feeling, but even that is tampered by the numbness and OCD thoughts.

Hello, I'm a 31 year old male from the U.S. I've had OCD most of my life and HOCD since I was 19, around May 2006.

I spike when I see nice looking guys. I've liked women since I was a child, but my lack of getting a girlfriend served as a catalyst for my HOCD. You see an attractive person of the same sex and you think "Oh God, I like her, do I? I think she's pretty, I must want to date her. Do I come across as gay?" It's a repetitive record of false attractions you think are real and can never truly resolve.

You should continue seeing a therapist and ask your therapist for coping strategies regarding HOCD.

Yes I've experienced HOCD and doubt of attraction towards my husband as well (I'm female). Sometimes I feel as though my brain just becomes scrambled with incessant thoughts and doubting, making it really hard to comprehend reality.

At least you know the thoughts really aren't for you. Best thing is to let them be there and don't fight them. They lose their power over you eventually when you aren't feeling as anxious.