Why hello everyone!

As the title states, hello out there! Very nice to meet you all!

Well, lets see. Seems like a good frist line. No one should find that out of place. Friendly, and normal.

What is your name? Really? Such a good strong/cute name. Where is it from?

Stay focused. Don't let your mind wander. Good. Dig deeper, keep the conversation on them.

Oh! My name is (Insert name) it's a pleasure to meet you! How is my day? Oh, you know, breakfast, read the news, got lots to do today! Place needs vacuuming. You know, How about you? Anything on the "To-Do" list today?

.........

I could keep this going for a very long time. It was my, speciality, when I was young. Putting up a completely fake persona and making everything look, normal. Why? oh I am sure a few of you might know.

The truth is I keep myself out of my own head these days. (P-OCD pedo/homicidal/sucidial/sexual assault/verbal assault) Mostly I don't really know what to do anymore.

It hit me suddenly at 19. Had a verbally and emotionally abusive aloholic mother. Very poor, moved alot. Bullied in school, however OCD hit me so hard after an emotionally tramatic event that I went through an identity crisis for years.

So 11 years on, I have been seeing the same counseler I have been seeing for over 5 years now. I don't deny that we have made great strides. But I feel as though the CBT for 1 hour every 3 months isn't getting me any futher. I just feel like I am enduring, always, ceaseless unending. *sigh*

ConductiveRealism wrote:So 11 years on, I have been seeing the same counseler I have been seeing for over 5 years now. I don't deny that we have made great strides. But I feel as though the CBT for 1 hour every 3 months isn't getting me any futher.

Hi ConductiveRealism. If you are making great strides, how is that not getting any further?

I just feel like I am enduring, always, ceaseless unending. *sigh*

There's a key word here that I use to help myself keep my head above water, and that word is enduring. The idea of endurance. I tell myself that often. I say to myself "Endure!"

To endure something should not be confused with suffering. Endurance takes strength.

To endure something that is working against you is to take away some of it's power. You're proving to it (and yourself) that you will not let yourself get dragged down. It isn't easy, and there are times when you feel like you will falter, which is fine, as long as you know it's only to take a brief rest and gather the strength it takes to resume your endurance.

People with OCD/mental health issues are at a disadvantage because the daily things that most people take for granted can sometimes be barriers for us. I'm tempted to say that enduring is all we can do, but it's really more than that. It's a form of fighting. A passive form of fighting, sure, but if you adjunct your fight with active measures, as you are doing with your CBT, it's hard to imagine that you're not moving forward, albeit slowly.

Thank you very much for your reply. Sometimes we just need a different perspective on things to realise things are not as bad as they seem.

As for me not feeling like I am getting further with my psychologist. I have been dealing with OCD for 11 years. I have only been seeing my psychologist for 3 years. I have managed to get my high school equivalency and I am almost finished my business degree in college. I would of never imagined I would of made it this far, but with my psychologist help we managed to allow myself to 'endure' the waves and continue with life.

While these are great strides and progress. Recently for the past 6 months, my psychologist has been wanting to see me less and less. I feel it is because there is little left he can do to help me. I should also say we identified I have abandonment issues, so I am scared of that support being moved away.

Lastly, I just want to move further with dealing with this OCD. I tried working again recently and I burnt myself out after 3 weeks. I feel there is something missing that I must find to be able to work again! I need to get back to work.The government set me up with disability since this has been a standing issue that has caused many job losses and hospitalizations, but I hate the whole idea of being on disability.
-,-

Any who, thanks everyone who has read this so far. I don't have any group things where I live, and I don't talk to anyone about it out of fear. Hell, It took my two months just to finally write a post on here to talk to someone about it.