HELP READ HOCD URGENT!!!!!!!

I've had what I thought was HOCD for about 2 years now. I'm a teenage girl who is a virgin and doesn't have much of any experience with men. I initially believed I had OCD because I searched up my symptoms online and this is what I came to. I was surprised how much I could relate but as time progressed and my OCD didn't seem to get any better I am now convinced I have an attraction for women. I have had multiple other OCD topics and general social anxiety however this is the most persisting. I am now convinced that I am not completely straight because I believe I am making excuses to convince myself I am straight. I was reading an article that compared how a gay person felt to how someone with OCD felt and it said the person with OCD felt disgusted. I haven't remembered necessarily felt disgusted when thinking of women recently. I remember initial jumping when an intrusive thought same into my mind or just being incredibly uncomfortable while checking and making mental scenarios however I haven't felt disgusted by women lately just uninterested. However, later on I tried checking again and there was a lump in my throughly that made me feel like gagging. I then started to feel like I was making excuses for my gayness and I'm really attracted to women. I don't know where I stand with this anymore. My brain is all jumbled. Please help!!!!!!

speaking as someone who's just about always (since i started thinking about sex, anyway) had an interest in same-sex sexual acts, and is OCD, I'd say it boils down to how you felt about things before you got afraid of the idea of being gay. If it turned you on, it turned you on. If it didn't, well I'd lean towards mind tricks. It's so hard to put into words, the quality of different feelings, when OCD clouds our judgment with over thinking and rumination.

Snaga wrote:speaking as someone who's just about always (since i started thinking about sex, anyway) had an interest in same-sex sexual acts, and is OCD, I'd say it boils down to how you felt about things before you got afraid of the idea of being gay. If it turned you on, it turned you on. If it didn't, well I'd lean towards mind tricks. It's so hard to put into words, the quality of different feelings, when OCD clouds our judgment with over thinking and rumination.

Before I got scared of the idea of being gay I saw girl on girl porn however I never fantasise about women. I never thought about women in a sexual context when I'd hit puberty. I only started to when I started having OCD and it has never turned me on apart from watching sexual content.

Well... I think you'd have wanted it before, if you were.

I was so sure that they didn't turn me on before I started being scared of the idea. Now I'm not so sure my brain is telling me it did. But I can only think of one time in which I thought of a same-sex act and it was really a threesome. In addition I got the idea from a movie and I was trying to reply it in my head hoping I will get turned on. A day ago I was sure it didn't turn me on now I'm not so sure. I was pretty young then and I mostly thought about boys until I watched stuff like that which would get me thinking but I would eventually get bored of it after a minute. When I hit puberty and started thinking of sex a lot it was only men and I never once thought about women despite what I watched. Did you think of having same sex interactions multiple times or was it just once?

First of all try to relax. For everyone it was a truth that we were not attracted to the same-sex... before this mind-change happened..

I am *thinking* I am attracted to every male person walking by. And when I see a girl I just have a big 'Meh' feeling.. But I want that old feeling back so hard.. so I keep looking at all woman and know I am making my obession bigger and bigger by this. But the harder we try to proove ourself if we are *this* or *that*.. the bigger we make our obsessions and the harder we will get depressed from it.

Try to read a book, listen some music, hang out with friends.. And talk about it with a lot of close people (best friends, brothers or sisters, parents).

Take care and get well!!!

Snaga wrote:Well... I think you'd have wanted it before, if you were.

I'm replying again because I'd like your incite. My sexual history has been grey for me however. I watched lesbian porn at a really young age and it occasionally sparked my interest. It got boring a lot but at times it was something interesting to watch. I hadn't hit puberty yet I think. At the age of 13 I started actually getting properly turned on I remember reading books like fifty shades of grey and just hugging a guy I found attractive would turn me on. But I didn't think about sex with women in general. The only memory I can recall of me thinking about sex with a woman was watching a movie and trying to picture myself in that scenario. Up until a few days ago I didn't think I got turned on by thinking about that but now I'm doubting myself and it feels like I did. Even if I did or didn't I don't remember thinking about women ever again. That's summer I hit puberty and I started having fantasies about men 24/7 that was all I could think about and I had multiple celebrity crushes. That is when the fear of being gay affected me a little bit more than it did in my previous years. I'd thought about it in my previous years but I never did the whole checking to see if I am attracted to women thing. I also had a few spikes of OCD in other topics this year but it got more intense when I turned 14.

Snaga wrote:Well... I think you'd have wanted it before, if you were.

Update: I just read an article by a licensed doctor that said having HOCD doesn't mean you are straight and peopl with HOCD often suppress things to try to convince themselves they aren't gay.

-- Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:20 pm --

Snaga wrote:Well... I think you'd have wanted it before, if you were.

Update: I just read an article by a licensed doctor that said having HOCD doesn't mean you are straight and peopl with HOCD often suppress things to try to convince themselves they aren't gay.