Troublesome symptom

I have had OCD since teen years and now in 40s. Went pretty much symptom free from age 18 to 31, then had a bad few months and then went symptom free until about 3 months ago.

I am battling harm ocd and worried about losing it and going crazy as well. Seeing a therapist and doctor that both say I am not losing it, its just bad OCD. However, my worst symptom is constant talking to myself and internal diaglogue that seems to be out of control. I often try to tell myself I going to get better and get over this and then I have an internal thought of "no you won't, you are never going to get better." I also have internal thoughts that state " you really want to harm someone"

I get terrified when I have these internal thoughts or dialogue and is sends adrenaline rushing through y body thinking I am going crazy. Its all internal and I don't hear voices but it seems this is my way to try and scare myself into thinking I am in losing it. Anyone else experience this?

I do this all the time. It stinks.

I've had a long history with harm thoughts. They came and went, sometimes staying away for good bits of time, until I got into a relationship. Then I had a lot of problems with the thoughts. I'm in my fifties and it was my late thirties they kicked back in. I'd had them on and off since I was around ten.

For me, I had to decide to both disregard the thoughts, and decide to not care about having them, nor caring if they ever came true. I'll get thoughts that I'll lose control. And I make the conscious decision to not worry about it, until... and a trigger warning might be in order, here... until I come to myself covered in the other person's blood. I'll worry about killing someone, when I've done it- not before.

There's nothing magical about that- it's simply deciding not to care. They're just thoughts. Like anything, it took practice, but the more I managed to do it, the easier it got.

Since doing those things, the thoughts have decreased in frequency, and also when I do get them, they're more easily dismissed. It's not foolproof- it'll play into my fear of heights, and if I'm put in a position where there's a great height close by, like a balcony, it can be pretty frightful. But for the run-of-the-mill harm thoughts? It's gotten a lot easier.

Mind you, I can't manage that with some of my other OCD-flavoured fears. But the harm thoughts, don't really bother me too much. I mean I still get them- and from what I've read, they're thoughts everyone gets... but I am able to disregard them a lot better than I used to, without having to obey compulsions to protect myself from hurting anyone.