Pure O OCD scared I've lost it.. Please help..

Hello guys! I want to apologize upfront if this story is very long but I figure I should start from scratch and ask for help here. Ever since I was a child I had anxiety.. My family would call me a hypochondriac since I would fear an Illness look up the symptoms and was positive I had all of them. I would go to the doctor weekly sometime daily for tests and reassurance. Fast forward until about 4 years ago. I went a long time without any health related anxiety more assured I beat it.. I had a full time job, an apartment with a best friend, and in college. I had spiral of stress happen all at once during this time. I had an emotionally abusive boss so I quit my job and couldn't afford my bills. My roommate started a fling with a girl I used to date and she was always at our apartment which made it uncomfortable.. I started to drink heavily during this time and went into a dark depression. After this I started to argue with my family all the time and with my best friend/roommate. This is when anxiety came back in full force.. I was at my apartment staying sober after this depression started and for some reason had a very vivid violent thought strike into my mind about my best friend/roommate. I went into pure panic. I threw out all sharp potentially harmful objects in the apartment and locked myself in my room to have a full blown panic attack. After this i decided I was crazy and went to outpatient care and therapy and started medication. I started to get better and then i went a few years with harmful thoughts but not as bad. I was able to go to nursing school and finish. Fast forward to now.. It's back and full force and the worst it's ever been.. I can't work, i sleep all the time, I avoid being in public, and I lock myself in my room most of the time. anytime I do work I almost have a panic attack being near anyone. My thoughts are so strong and ridiculous.. I know deep down i'm sane and not a sociopath but i'm starting to believe I like my thoughts.. That frightens me so much my thoughts usually focus on going psychotic even though im an almost 27 year old male so I've past the onset age and it doesn't run in my family but I still can shake the fear. I looked up all the symptoms so I think i have them all. Afraid others will hurt me, my thoughts are odd, I cant focus, I question every thought i have and some of them are so weird. I also have the harm theme more than any of them.. I'm afraid ill lose it. I'm pretty sure this relapse has happened due to the media. With all of the school shootings happening I fear i'm like these monsters.. They talk about how they had no criminal history blah blah blah... This is ripping me apart and I just don't know anymore if I'm okay.. I take medicine but it's half the max dose of zoloft. I feel like it worked for awhile but I know i need to do other things for myself like exercise and leave the bedroom but I'm so scared I cant. I do want to point out that I love animals, I have amazing parents with no rough childhood but my parents did separate once when I was young and I did stupid stuff as a kid such as trash yards, make threats if someone upset me etc... I was also very young. The older I got I understood that I was dumb and as an highschooler I played sports and had a long term girlfriend with no law trouble. I just can't shake these thoughts and fears the media has made me believe i'm a psycho.. My parents always tell me i'm not sociopathic or going through psychosis but I can't believe them.. I don't have healthcare insurance at the moment but I'm working on it so I can see someone again but until then I really need someones advice here.. I can't shake these fears anymore and my life is truly a nightmare.. I used to be so carefree and loved life when I was in highschool now I cant leave my house, find a gf, anything... The thoughts are so intense.. I don't want to go into full detail but they will be based on mass shootings and I avoid everything.. Public, sharp objects, guns, crime movies, crime shows, scary movies. I used to love watching scary movies and action movies and I can't anymore... I used to play war video games when I was younger and I can't even do that anymore.. Sorry for the long story but please give me any advice or reassurance you got.. I can't seem to believe this is just anxiety..

I know deep down i'm sane and not a sociopath but i'm starting to believe I like my thoughts

As you announced yourself,this feeling you have must be OCD.So you have self-harm thoughts but are also afraid of hurting yourself?
If I were in a situation like you are,i would TRUST myself.Those fears you have of being harmed will do the job.You will be unharmed.OCD thoughts are very strong;I even overcame my phobia using the thought if I couldn't,that fear of mine for which I have OCD would happen.
Do you have many friends?Those self-harm thoughts could get worse if you are depressed or have lost confidence.I would socialize more if I were you.I know it sounds weird at first,but try smiling in front of the mirror every morning you wake up from the bottom of your heart about 1 or two minutes.A therapist told me that once and it made my mood really better.Keep listening to happy songs,watch comedies,ect. Also avoid watching horror films,listening to sad songs or so. Doing this rapidly really helped for me.I hope this also works for you.
Another thing.Try leaving your house little by little.And by little by little I mean little by little.Also don't freak out if you saw anything related to your fears.Trust yourself.
And don't forget to meet a therapist.