New Poster; Does this sound like Pure OCD?

Hey Holodeck,

Thanks for the response. I didn't cheat, no. She did (and had on many other boyfriends) if that means anything. I think the fear of cheating stemmed from normal everyday thoughts of "dang, that chick is hot" which my OCD then twisted into making me think I was going to cheat on GF cause obviously I didn't love her if I found other people attractive

Not sure about the fear of abandonment... My main issue I believe is that I have a fear of abandoning others I think; again, that I wont love them, aren't capable of it, won't be able to commit, the things that come with ROCD I suppose.

I learned quickly to stay away from pot lol does me no good.

Perhaps so but it does seem a lot like you are not wanting to be caught off guard by someone letting you down so you subconsciously start wondering if you could be the "bad guy" in the relationship. I'm not at all saying you'd want to cheat (and I'm sorry. No one deserves what she did to you) or constantly worry about if you called too much or whatever, but it might be a defense mechanism... though a maladaptive one.

I'd try talking to a therapist about how to approach various parts in a dating relationship. Talk to them about these compulsions and they will be better at walking you through how to handle things. I'm sure you aren't the first or last who's asked them to help with this situation.

Holodeck wrote:Perhaps so but it does seem a lot like you are not wanting to be caught off guard by someone letting you down so you subconsciously start wondering if you could be the "bad guy" in the relationship. I'm not at all saying you'd want to cheat (and I'm sorry. No one deserves what she did to you) or constantly worry about if you called too much or whatever, but it might be a defense mechanism... though a maladaptive one.

These points are definitely valid and worth exploring, thanks Holodeck. I grew up with parents who did the best they could, but definitely have their own mental health issues that impacted my upbringing so I could see the "don't want to being let down" portion holding some weight. I'll try and bring this up once I start seeing someone. Thanks again!

I relate to this so much, I've had fixations on aspd and npd over and over again. I constantly feel like I have no empathy, that my pain is ingenuine / selfish, that I'm faking everything because I'm evil deep down. When I'm crying and aware of it there's always this thought, even though no one's around, like "you're doing this for attention. You're imagining people are watching you. You're scheming to tell this story later so that you can manipulate your friends with pity."
Also a mild impostor's syndrome thing where I feel like everyone else can tell that I'm a phony and deeply deceptive.
It's completely ridiculous, I'm sorry you have to deal with it too.
Seems like many people have given great advice so I won't try to half azz some haah, but I'm relieved I'm not the only one having these stupid thought processes.

@cherrydiabla If you were any of that you wouldn't be feeling anxiety over it. No empathy/lack of normal emotion is pretty common with depression. No surprise that sufferers of OCD get depressed. Over time that sort of thing can definitely build a form of self-paranoia.