How to go about tackling HOCD

I just feel really anxious as though I don't care whether I'm gay or not, but then the worrying begins again like why aren't I worried? It's a catch22 situation. I have had these thoughts for about 10 years, I was able to push them to the wayside whilst I was at uni because of the stresses of deadlines and when I finished last August, the gay thoughts had practically subsided until a month ago. I just can't take it anymore. It feels like I just can't be bothered with girls anymore as if there's no attraction there. I saw that girl naked on Saturday and it just didn't turn me on as I thought it would and now I feel like I wouldn't be bothered if I saw another girl naked...why is this?

I masturbated earlier to lesbian porn, but it felt like I was just going through the motions. I can't take it anymore I just want to feel like I did a month ago

Hello everyone again, I've been feeling really bad recently, but went out clubbing last night with my friends an really really enjoyed my night. I was dancing round a few girls, making eye contact and it felt really good. I then started feeling anxious because I didn't "pull" a girl and it really hit me. Then, I met this really quirky girl who was very attractive, got her number gave a kiss everything moved downstairs and felt really confident again. So much so that when she ditched me I began dancing with another girl and also kissed her too. It felt ace to let some of my pent up emotions just fade into the background.

But then the alcohol wore off and I woke up this morning feeling weird. I'm trying to not get into the cycle of "I can't be gay because I kissed those girls and got an erection" because I know this is counterproductive. I have also started texting the first girl and we got on really well, so I thought I'd bite the bullet and ask to meet her again next weekend. Now though, my head is trying to convince me that I don't find her attractive and that she is just another obsession. Does anyone have any advice for me before I go round the twist?