Determined to beat my Contamination OCD

Hello all, and Greetings from Argentina. I’m a male, 26 years old and I’m new to the forum, and I have to say, I’m glad a platform like this one exists for those who need it, like myself. This will be a long post. I joined because I suffer what I consider a severe case of OCD, which started a few years ago and as usual became worse over time. Now it affects my everyday life, my performance at work, my spare time, my hobbies, and what’s worst of all, my relationships. I look around my life now and there is almost no piece of it that has not been affected by my OCD, and I feel exhausted.

Let me explain myself. I am not diagnosed (yet) but I suffer contamination OCD. By contamination, I mean chemical contamination (battery acid and sulfation, bleach, pool chlorine, insect spray and repellent, hair dye, nail polish remover, all chemicals I can think of), “particles” contamination (dust, sand, rust, metal shavings, broken glass, etc.) and lots of common household and office items, like inks. Stepping outside my house is most times a traumatic experience. I want to give you some examples:

I am an engineer and I work in an environment where grease, oil, metal shavings and rust are a common thing, so this has become a nightmare for me. I have all kinds of rituals for the clothes I wear to work, never mix them with my regular clothes in any situation, for example. Never touch any of my belongings when I return from work before a long, de-contaminating shower. I don’t take anything to work other than my keys, which I wash when I return.

Last week I had to inspect a metal part and used gel paint remover, which is a very powerful chemical. I take all precautions, always wear gloves and eye protection, but it is never enough. Then my head says, “you probably got some in your clothes, and then sat down in the car!”I am currently just using my car to go to work and back, because I think it is contaminated and if I get in with clean non-work clothes everything will be contaminated.

I avoid most areas in my house because I consider they are a hazard, for example the laundry room and the room where I store my work clothes.I am constantly aware of “hazardous” surfaces, such as rusty metals, and even if I am far from those surfaces something in my head tells me I touched them, even though deep inside I know I didn’t.Every time I go out I watch out for sand, broken glass, all kinds of particles in the street. And when I return most of my clothes go to the washing machine and I have to take a shower to feel calm.

The most common everyday things like using a simple Pen makes me feel insecure. I feel I have stained my hands with ink and it will spread everywhere.

For example, if I come back home from work and bring metal shavings with me, and I don’t shower and touch my phone for example, it will get scratched, damaged, ruined. And the shavings will spread from my phone to my computer as I touch it, then to my tablet, and it never ends. The same for chemicals, sand, glass. If a glass or plate breaks in my house, I will not be comfortable in that room for a long time.

I regularly clean my phone with a wet cloth (even knowing that this is worse than any “contamination” it may have!).

My fear is, all those contaminants will spread endlessly and damage my belongings. I know it sounds weird, but I’m not really concerned about health issues, poisoning, or anything like that.

Photography is my hobbie. I have some nice gear and I haven’t used it in a long time because I fear it will damage it and it will lose its pristine condition. The same for lots of my possessions, I love technology and when I buy something new I end up not using it and storing it safely.

Well, that is a quick summary of what I’m going through right now. I feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life, I am young and have a lot to be happy about but instead I am in huge pain, and the only ones who really know it are my closest ones, especially my girlfriend who supports me inmensely. My friends and coworkers probably do not have a clue about my suffering.I will probably be posting more experiences later on. I would love to hear similar experiences and know from people who could overcome this kind of OCD. And also, I would love some recommendations on the type of therapy I should get. I had about 12 psychoanalysis sessions last year and even though I know that’s not a lot, they weren’t any good for me.

Thank you all for reading, and sorry for my extremely long post. Also sorry for my English.

Mr. White

Hello and welcome to the forums!

It was a long post, but a very well written one. There's no apologies needed for your excellent English, by the way.

Wow a very distressing story to read. I can sometimes feel a touch of contamination OCD, but mostly it just revolves around things like metal shavings, which I sometimes also encounter at work. Mostly worried about them getting into my food at work, though- and I'm probably a bit uptight about it but nothing like what you describe. At some point I have to make myself not worry about the tiniest shaving somehow getting in me.

So much of this forum is posts of people with sexual OCD themes, hopefully some more contamination-fearing people will be able to step up and give some feedback.

It's not contamination, but I do worry a lot with electric space heaters, gas heaters, door locks, etc., having to make sure, multiple times, that they are what they're supposed to be (off, or locked, etc).

At some point, I have to force myself to walk away from it, and not go back to check yet again. And make a conscious decision to not care if the house is unlocked, burns down, etc.

I also have harm-related intrusive thoughts (that I will kill my romantic partners, etc). I have to let those thoughts be, also, and again, make myself not care that my thoughts will magically make me hurt anyone or anything. Deciding to worry about it, once I've done it.

If I had a fear that contaminants would mess my stuff up, then I would know that i needed to try to apply what I already do for other OCD themes, to this. To make the choice to not care what happens to my photography equipment, or my cell phone, etc. And remind myself that things will always fall into decline, and if I don't use them when they are the current new tech, then they will become outdated, and I wouldn't get to enjoy having new things.

It's not easy, breaking that loop of compulsions, I know. I can't say how to do it, except that you just have to make yourself. Then I find the more I break that compulsion or worry, the easier it gets, and the less the worries bother me. It's like it just takes lots of practice. And sometimes I slip back into old habits, then have to relearn myself again to not worry about this, or that. But it can be done.