by Ocdcod321 » Thu Mar 15, 2018 5:19 pm
I've been struggling with tocd for quite some time now and I feel like I can completely overcome it if I solve this one issue that I can't seem to answer, it's really hard to explain so I'll try my best, but please ask questions if you don't understand. Anyway, I'm pretty confident I don't experience any kind of dysphoria, or anything like that, the only problem I have is when I masterbate. I can't tell if I'm focusing on the girl when I masterbate, or if Im turning into her, it's really weird. I can't really label my sexual fantasies intrusive thoughts because this is how I always fantasized. Now to be clear, I don't imagine myself with breasts or a vagina or anything like that, but when I masterbate, my primary focus is on my partner and her moans, and what she sounds like, my body becomes secondary, and it's always been under the assumption that I was the one making her moan like that. Through researching online I came across Autogynephilia and that's what mind is fixated on, and I can't tell if I'm aroused by my partner or if I'm being my partner. Like I said it's so confusing and I'm explaining it horribly. I honestly think that I've analysed so much that it's confusing me more and more and something deep down is telling me I don't have autogynephilia, but ocd is the doubting disease and sometimes it gets the better of me.