HOCD numb HELP!?!?

So I’ve posted on here before Talked to gay people bout this, but yet I’m just to convinced. Anyways I’ve had this type of ocd for two years now and honestly it’s to the point I can’t even masturbate anymore enjoy dates ok that’s a lie I do enjoy dates but anyways back to the story anyways when my hocd first started I looked up gay make out videos found them gross but yet still made myself watch them. Next I would start telling myself I wanna husband and boyfriend and I love men which I don’t but ocd you know so then I finally gave into to gay porn and nope didn’t get aroused I watch at least a thousand times a week now do I get aroused no, maybe once but no I still find it disturbing,
I watch lesbian porn I smile. But then I get out in public now and now it’s gotten to where like I’m intentionally looking for guys saying he’s cute and then it’s like a smile but it don’t turn into one then if I see beautiful girl I smile but then it’s like I found boobs gross now like wtf, then I give into masturbation and I try to imagine a girl and in the image there is but in my head I’m saying imagin doing something to a guy I give in but I stayed forced on the girl but I give cause then I’m not anxious and I can like the way it feels but I think that might be bc I must like men, so then I get on tinder can’t get past all the women but then I gotta look at dudes on there to same on insta and now idk maybe it’s bc all the porn watch, I mean I went on date with this girl last night I enjoyed ik I did the other day too with her like kissing her I was just smiling idk why, then last night kissing her and ik all girls and guys have it but the little hairs on the face make me think i like and would like kissing a side and I’ve just had enough of this stuff I just if I’m gay in denial or bi or still straight yes I’ve had ocd since I was probably 5 but this is the worst one yet actually no my rocd was last but I just need advice I’ve talked to a gay guy on here and he says I don’t even sound close to being gay so idk

Most everything you’ve written on your post is a compulsion.

By doing compulsions (looking at gay porn, mental reassurance) will only add fuel to that OCD flame.

You’ve got too try and look beyond the fear and see OCD for what it is: irrational thoughts.