please help POCD and ODD losing my mind

Okay to beging with i am an 18 year old gay male not sure thats relevant but every little helps. I have had Intrusive thoughts from the back end of last year to now i dont know why or how they started but i have had alot of them and it varies so i would have Murder, Pedophilia, death. suicide, rape, incest and alot more just to name a few. i would have a thought it would last a while then i would think i would rather have this thought than that thought then i do get that thought and think this is hard i want that thought insteaad of this thought. i have never been attracted to children i have always like older men im 18 now that hasnt changed but im scared its going to happen overnight or im going to change.People say dont fight these thoughts it will make it worse i should just let them happen but then i think if i do that will i chnage or anything?

is it true that the OCD if i foucs on it i could belive im a monster like a murderer or something?

pkus when i first got the thoguths i was scared i cried i was frightend but when the thoughts came back i dotn feel the same as i did when i first got them is this normal?

Im also scared because when im happy i dont know if its because of the thoughts then that makes me sad is this normal?

i also fear of people around me and what they would think of me and my thoughts i mean i tell my mum but she says that there just thoughts im not a monster but i cant help feel what she really thinks of me its tearing me apart i want to go back to normal before i had these thoughts.

Hmmm.

Well, your momma's right, these are just thoughts.

But they feel so real, don't they? And you must be a horrible person, to be thinking those thought, right?

My argument is that pwOCD will confuse having a thought with being or wanting that thought. But that's not the case- they clearly distress you. I believe our intrusive thoughts are called ego-dystonic. They're unwelcome thoughts that don't represent the kinds of people we are. I've had harm thoughts for many years- I have never murdered anyone.

I agree about trying not to fight the thoughts. How can a person not think a thought? The act of trying not to think about it makes you think about it more, doesn't it? To me, unwelcome thoughts, such as hurting others, are like waves at the beach. If you're in the water, and try to stop them, they might sweep you off your feet. Let them pass. Ride the swell and it will be past you and recede towards shore. When I learned to not fear my thoughts, nor to fight them when they came, but to just ignore them- like ignoring noise- then they got better. Less of them, and less power to make me fearful. It also helped to tell myself that I didn't care about having the thoughts, and that I didn't care if they made me do things. Because that's a big part of the fear, isn't it? Fear that they will magically make you do bad things. I decided to worry about that, when I did those things, not before. I have never done the bad things my thoughts try to make me fear (like killing people), and I have no reason to think they will make me do them. So I decide to worry about it when I have done a bad thing, not before.

It's amazing how practicing those things, helps with the disturbing thoughts. I get less of them, and they do not scare me as much as they did. Many of them, I can even think on purpose, then set them aside, knowing they have no power over me.

There's no secret technique, it just takes practice.

thank you for responding but what did you mean by this "My argument is that pwOCD will confuse having a thought with being or wanting that thought. "

Well if you think of a mind as a balance between say urge and inhibition, so that only when urge is greater than inhibition you act.What’s happening in your mind is a misinterpretation of a stray thought or minor urge as a major drive or desire. So instead of giving you the psychological equivalent of a slap on the wrist, which would be a proportional response, your inhibitions are beating you over the head with a big stick.

The anxiety this generates drags you into a cycle whereby the more you worry about it the more you think about it, the more you worry about thinking about it etc. Your anxiety becomes self sustaining, ultimately leading to a kind of hyper vigilance where you’re on constant alert for tiny ‘signs’ that confirm your anxieties.

Or to put it another way, have you ever met one of those self important people who feel the need to complain about absolutely everything? Because that’s how your superego is behaving right now, literally looking for Any reason to have a good winge. Like snaga says you’ve just got to ignore it because the more you pay it attention the more annoying it will become.

oh so the more i focus on the thoughts and things the more worse they will become so i just have to ignore them? and how can i be sure its ocd and not really who i am

Unless you have a history of pedophiliac attractions, before you got afraid about it, then assume its OCD....

im 18 years old and i can say i have never been attracted to children ever but it scares me will i change stop liking what i like and move to this then thoughts come and so on and i do sometimes think But they feel so real, don't they? And you must be a horrible person, to be thinking those thought, right? why dose it feel so real

That's something I had to get out of my head, that I am defined by intrusive thoughts and the presence of a thought makes me a bad person. No.... unwanted intrusive thoughts do not make me bad. My actions define me, not thoughts.

i had a clam day today but then i got a thought that freaked me out and i was thinking am i calm because all these thoughts i have are real and this is me or is this just the OCD again playing with me because im a little scared like im calm but the thoughts and images are still there but i try not pay attention what dose this mean?

i also get these thoughts and things out of the blue like last week i was fine until a certain day then bam the thoughts and images came but when i try to force myself to ahve them i just cant its impossible like theres a block is this good?

i do sometimes think But they feel so real, don't they? And you must be a horrible person, to be thinking those thought, right? why dose it feel so real?

Oh me, as far as I'm concerned, it ain't decent OCD, unless you get anxious over not being anxious... more mind tricks, in my opinion....