It’s been a while but my harm ocd is back. HELP

I haven’t been on here in 3 yrs. just a refresher I’ve had ocd for 30 yrs and I’ve been to therapist in the past. I’ve been through every theme possible it seems butharm ocd is what really tears me apart. I’ve looked at all of my post as far back as 10 yrs ago and it looks like I actually cut and paste the text. It’s crazy. Well as usual this intrusive thought is the same one as every other time. I want to harm my son. Just that very phrase that keeps me wondering why and how I’m thinking something like that about the one person who means the world to me. I am literally a nervous wreck when I go through an episode. I mean it is shear terror and guilt anxiety etc. it’s all I can think about. I know for a fact I’m not violent and never have been. Not even once in my life. Do l love my son? More than life. Do I want anything to ever happen to him? God no!! Have I ever hurt him? God no!! Do I pray for his safety everyday? God yes! Would I always protect him? Hell yes!! If I know all of these things which is how I really feel then why can’t I see those intrusive thoughts aren’t me. I get so scared and caught up in the wording or content of them and it’s like my rational mind is overthrown with doubt and fear and it almost makes me believe them at times and this leaves me more scared and confused. I mean just look at the evidence. I never want anything to happen to my son and I pray it never does. So it is plain as day that I really don’t want to hurt him. But it’s so confusing it’s just like my mind shuts down from exhaustion. I rennet hiv ocd and I never had a risk but I believed I mean actually believed I had it. It took 2 negative test to convince me I was ok. It is ridiculous. Does this sound like common symptoms of ocd to yalll. I already know but this crap is really hard this time. Maybe because it’s been so long since my last episode. But I will say this. The past two years I have been obsessed with my health. Stomach to be exact. Fear of vomiting and had nausea everyday. Guess what since this started two weeks ago my stomach hasn’t bothered me anymore. Go figure

I've had this quite a bit. Are you or your son going through a "new turning point" in life?

For instance...if he was recently born, or say going through his terrible two's, perhaps an arduous school project etc.

I typically get this when there's a new "passage" happening in my life. I hadn't had it for a good long while in regards to others, then I went through the process of getting a cat. It seems to be over now, but during the day before I got him into about a couple of days later I had intrusive thoughts regarding harming him. I would never ever dream about harming an animal, but all sorts of effed up thoughts swam around my brain, which often even ended in him dying in my thoughts. I had to take a lot of pausing for deep breathes.

Thing is though, that was a less stressful situation than a kid. I realize that. I can't imagine what that level of panic must be like, as I don't have a kid. This could have nothing directly to do with the child. Might simply be work stress on your end, too much caffeine or whatever. If you can take out any extra stresses. I know that easier said than done. If you can't try distracting yourself.

I'm sorry you're going through this.