I have been suffering from OCD for ten years and for four months, I specifically have been suffering from HOCD themes centering on latent bisexuality or homosexuality. I have come to the conclusion that I am not bisexual or gay, but straight. Men are not attractive to me and the thought of sexual or romantic contact with a man is disgusting.
I have stopped testing myself. I don't need to test something that isn't there, it's compulsive behavior, it makes the themes worse, and the reassurance isn't a good thing.
At times, the intrusive images do pop up and the fear comes back but the intensity of the fear isn't as bad as it used to be. Almost immediately after the fear comes in, I realize that I don't need to fear anything because I'm straight and there is no attraction.
I stopped fighting the thoughts and just let them sit and they disappear soon after. I just want to get rid of those blips that come up from time to time now.
This morning, I was fantasizing about a woman and loving it. However, one of the images that I had seen during my "testing" sessions popped up and completely ruined the fantasy and my arousal.
That's really the only bit left for me. Getting rid of the occasional pop up of the images.
I have been doing self-run ERP, CBT, etc since I don't have the ability to go a therapist at the moment. It's been going well as of late.
I feel like I'm close to beating this. Where do I go now? I just need a last bit of advice.