Intrusive thought/false memory! SEE ASAP *may trigger*

hi there, I'm 26 and I have been struggling with what started as confession OCD and how lately turned to POCD. The other day I was sitting on my couch thinking about the past (of course lol) and I remembered a time when I was 13 this baby my mom was watching was crying upstairs and I got annoyed and went in the room and pinched her just because I was mad. That's all I could clearly remember.

However when I was thinking about it my mind said "what if you've sexually abused one of the daycare kids and I've had this thought before and brushed it off because I had no recollection of doing so. But my mind instantly kept coming back to that time I pinched that baby and I kept telling myself I didn't do it so not sure why this keeps coming to mind. It kept coming back and scared me so I started having visuals of how it could have happened and now I keep having anxiety thinking I did it. It started as me visualing me touching her then I ruminated until I found it was bogus then my mind started telling me what if I actually had sex with her. Then of course I visualized it and it felt so real. But like I said I never had any recollection of this until I was having intrusive thoughts that day.



Is this a false memory? You think I would remember sexually assaulting her if I remembered going in the room and pinching her? I was 13 at the time so you would think I'd remember it! I feel awful and can't tell if the visuals are me remembering doing it and just never thought of it before until now. They are so vivid! Any thoughts?

I've had thoughts similar before but I would ruminate until I found reason to believe it didn't happen. Not sure why It's harder to find a reason not to believe it isn't true this time. Please let me know what you guys think!

Anyone??

We let our mind get away with us. We confuse the ability to do something with wanting to, or having somehow magically 'done it' and not known it. Just like the dozens of invisible pedestrians I've driven back to check on after running over them on perfectly empty roads.