HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay this is an incredibly long one. I have been battling with what I thought was OCD for about a year now. But I'm starting to think different at first I wasn't even thinking other people's opinions had anything to do with this but apparently it might. I live in a ver homophobic area but I never considered myself to be homophobic I never had any problems with gay. If I ever said anything it was because everyone around me was saying the same and I did feel bad afterwards especially due to the fact that this happened after I thought I was gay so I felt like I was being hypocritical, because I had also done gay things. My slander for gays has sometimes come from a place of perhaps disgust at some level. I once thought that if I enjoyed watch gay porn it would mean I wanted to be a boy, and kiss another boy. To me this was just not right cause I didn't want to be a gay man either, what's now more that ever making me think I'm gay and suffering from internalized homophobia is that I even said if I ever wanted to be a boy I would as well forc myself to like girls in order to just not feel uncomfortable and be a gay man. On this had I think it links to internalized homophobia yet on the other hand I briefly experienced POCD and I was really heart broken and scared when I realised there was no cure for paedophilia and most suffered go their whol life without being attracted to someone of the same age. I do have obsessions, I do check a lot, I do ask for reassurance intact at a point that's all I did. And I do show other signs of potential OCD such as harm OCD and other things. But I also think social anxiety is a theme in this. Sometimes the fact that I'm just having thoughts like these bothers me more because of I think of how they would seem to others. In regards to my attraction to women it has from what I remember only eve been a porn thing. I think I liked a friend once in my past but I only started considering liking her when OCD came to play. I've had several girl crushes but that to me was more like a girl getting excited over another girl because she thought highly of her never lasted. But the crushes on boys did and they were obsessive. Celebrities and fantasising was a lot. And still is. But I think I've made peace with the fact that I'm not going to be into a boy 24/7. Please help. I still don't want to be gay and everything I just want to be a normal girl. I've been shielded all my life and the possibility of me being something that I wasn't grown up to believe was regular is scary. I don't want a change I was happy being the way I was as a child. Ignorance was truly bliss.