Please i have Hocd and i can't take anymore ,please read

So i am 16 years old boy , all my life i was attracted to girls ,i had like 12 crushes and 8 girlfriends all girls , i am very turned on by lesbian porn and i can watch gay porn without being turned on or getting an erection at all ,i have gay intrusive thoughts and arousal and i can't do it anymore , i am unlucky because i can selfsuck and i did it rarerly before and now i am forced to do it ,i have a feeling like being turned on but quite different and it goes away only if i start to ###$ and after 1 minute or less it goes away ,i hate to do it , its gross and o want to stop ,i have the same feeling when i have the urge to watch gay porn and it goes away after watching and after i see that is does not turns me on , i even forced finished in my mouth and i was close to trow up , its horribile what i am forced to do and my brain takes that as a clue that i am gay ,i never mastrubated on gay porn but i did masturbated on shemale.porn ,it was quite hot to see a girl having sex with another girl but thats all ,i never had a crush on a boy or fantasiezed about boys , i always liked girls , ocd took away my girlfriend , i lost my relationship becuase of it and my girlfriend was turning me on only with her voice or kissing her get me erection and yeah , i am confused this nightmare is going from like 6 months ,i wish i could just die , many times i can't beleive how my life turned out to be ,please i need to get away from the urges and thoughts and that voice that keeps telling me that i am gay and i am bi , anybody please help

Addressing the self-sucking.. I'm pretty sure a lot of boys have tried that. And it wouldn't surprise me that OCD intrusive thoughts and the need to 'check' would make you feel as if you are 'forced' to do that.