I Think I Have OCD...

When was a child, I always liked things organised. I lined up my textbooks perfectly on top of each other, was and am very hygienic, taking showers 2 times a day. I bit my nails from the age of 9 which I'm aware is a sign of anxiety. These are the usual symptoms, almost stereotypical, but that is not all.

When I was around 7 years old, I always set boundaries for myself and almost threats even for the most basic things like going up the stairs, thinking "If I don't get up in 20 seconds my family will die." I did this all the time. I never thought anything of it for a few years, thinking that everyone had these thoughts just like me. Later on, when I took interest in psychology, I was researching OCD and was almost spooked by how much the symptoms I can relate to.

When I was younger, I always had the compulsive need to touch things several times. If I felt that I touched that object roughly, I went back to repeat touching it several times until it felt 'right'. It's a bit better now as I am older, but sometimes I still find myself going back to touch objects. I know this might sound really odd to people who haven't gone through this themselves it but this is what I experience. I didn't read about this anywhere so I don't know if it's a symptom of OCD.

I'm a massive perfectionist and never find myself finishing things. If I have a project, I keep continuing to write and write until someone stops me or if I feel like it's 'perfect' or it feels right. I'm also talented at drawing, but my same weakness affects my ability and my paintings take an absurd amount of time as I keep adding unnecessary details. This is what keeps me from getting A*s instead of As.

The last thing is when I was reading into OCD online, I found that some people are having homicidal thoughts when they see objects, which might be just their overactive imagination, or it is really a part of OCD. When I see a knife or another sharp object laying on the kitchen counter, sometimes I think about horrific things like hurting others with it. I know I would never do this, but it scares me sometimes.

So that's all I can think of at this moment, but there might be some other little things I'm missing. Some of these things I rarely do anymore, it was way more extreme when I was younger but sometimes they come and go. I'm not trying to self-diagnose and I am NOT going to go to a psychologist because they're all full of BS and I don't want a diagnosis. I just simply want to know if others on this forum have experienced some of the same things I have.