So I’m pretty sure I have OCD, with my primary obsession being that I’m gay or bisexual, despite being a 25 year old male who has never been with a man or masterbated to gay porn and has had many straight encounters throughout my teenage and adult life.
Regardless of my history and present (I have a long term girlfriend) I can’t stop thinking that I am gay (or more recently, bisexual). I don’t just *fear* being or turning bisexual, but feel as though I actually might be, which causes me so much distress and depression and severely disrupts all aspects of my life.
I’ve started to think that I think I am attracted to men because I misinterpret things regarding normal “straight” reactions for men. I’ll try to explain this as best I can. I think maybe I have various feelings, emotions, and reactions towards men that don’t actually mean I’m gay, but I falsely interpret them as gay.
Here’s an example: sometimes I see attractive men and experience positive feelings (I impulsively feel good/happy/etc). Or I see an attractive character in a movie or show and feel that I like them because they are physically attractive, not because of they’re acting abilities or their character’s traits. I have no sexual feelings, but my brain has learned to interpret any positive emotion or feeling towards a man as being gay.
While these specific examples apply to my OCD fixation, I feel as though this type of flawed thinking and interpretation of feelings/thoughts/emotions could apply to pretty much all other OCD fixations.
Does anyone with OCD relate to this? Does this make sense?