How do I get help, so incredibly scared and frustrated

Honestly I wish I could just throw my whole story onto a page, it's too long and too much for me to be bothered to type. I want help, I so desperately need help. I want to be my old self but I fear telling people in case they think I'm gay. I have told one person but I'm not sure they understood but they are very kind and I think they mostly just listened to what I had to say. I have attempted to tell my mum in the past before and it backfired and she thought I was gay and I freaked out. You can probably tell why i'm so scared, I couldn't stand the idea of anyone thinking that I was. I have had no sex drive for a good month or two and it's brought me a lot of anxiety.

I have poor self confidence and image which I think comes into play once I explain this. I was at a party a few days ago and I got high on weed. Honestly I think my OCD symptoms were damped by it as I really wanted to kiss this guy I'd had a crush on for years. My friend told me to go for it and kiss him but what if he rejected me? I didn't think he liked me in that way and I have awful self confidence and body image, I feel too fat and ugly and weak, I couldn't do it.

Today I had a bad experience, a friend of mine is gay (or bi, I don't know which one but I do know she likes girls) she touched my ass today, I'm unsure if it was by accident or on purpose but I just wanted to go home and take of my clothes, I felt violated and uncomfortable. I do not want a woman in that way. I admittedly have watched gay porn in the past and been aroused but I don't want a relationship with a woman and I fear I am gay because of it. Gay porn isn't arousing anymore it makes me upset, I have always liked men and want to get married to a man, have children and a long and happy marriage. I have always had male crushes and male fantasises and I know deep down that's what I want. HOCD has been so scary, I've had points on my life where HOCD has been on the back burner in my mind and my sex drive for men has been through the roof. I'm constantly checking and panicking and looking to see if i'm attracted. I'm sick of this I just want answers.

So to conclude I have three questions...how the hell do I get help so someone can tell me if I have HOCD or not and how to get rid of it, after 6 years of this $#%^ i've had enough. and can weed (marijuana) help in suppressing HOCD symptoms??? Is this HOCD or am I gay please help me, all i ever do is question but there's never any answers, just more questions. Sorry it's so long, thanks.

UPDATE: I know it's been like 30 mins since i posted this but I've just told my closest friends about my HOCD and they're all completely supportive and they're asking questions. I was in floods of tears, not sure if happy or sad, as HOCD has been such a painful thing to endure I'm glad I can find the courage to seek support. I know i'm no where near where I want to be, but i have taken the first step today.