Obsessive thoughts and fetish

Hello all, since i was a little girl i have fantasized about getting fatter, and this thoughts would satisfy me sexually. I recently found out that this is a fetish. I had no problem with this, till it started to make me obsess uncontrollebly. For example in my family, there are people who are fat or are fat in their bellies (which were a turn on in my fantasies) and i have groinal responses when i look at them and it makes me feel awful. My little sister used to be a little chubby and for an unknown reason i was obsessed with her belly (but i did not want to do anything sexual with her) it just trigerred me. Then the groinal responses happened. I also unvontrollebly obsess about my mother and grandmother too, who are fat in their belly area. This really makes me feel sad. I have also had some pocd in the past, but this fetish thing is even worse in my opinion, it makes you feel wrong. So, is my ocd less innocent than yours since it originates from an actual fetish, not random thoughts?

Anyone?

As a child, I remember having some very odd fantasies involving being fat, or unusually shaped.

We can't discuss sexual fetishes themselves, as a main topic... if this even really is a fetish... but for the purposes of obsessional thinking, do you find yourself thinking about this, like, all the time?

Do you find yourself obsessing over other things, or having other indications of OCD, such as unwanted intrusive thoughts, fears and anxiety, etc. I'm not sure I'd even call this OCD, unless you have a history of worrying about things. The only thing that seems to worry you here, is that you seem to have trouble with it being on your mind all the time.

I may have come close to this, having OCD and being bisexual, I've obsessed over my sexuality, feared I was gay. But not in the way people who normally come in here fearing being gay, do, because I knew there was something there- just that I'd blow it out of proportion, because of my OCD nature- and OCD seems to favor b/w thinking: you're gay. You're straight. In between not being a valid option (to the brain).

I mean it is a fetish (won't discuss more than that), but I think it's one of those things where...how can I put this?

Let's say there's a character from a movie/show/video game/whatever that you think is REALLY hot, and you develop a crush on them, then a relative cosplays as them = angry, sad and confused libido.

Pretty sure that's where a lot of sexual OCD stems from to be honest. A person has a thing for one thing, sees it with something they don't want then BAM checking groinal response and other possibilities of being sexually into something they don't want to be into. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯