Relationship OCD, celebrities,attractive strangers obsession

Hi everybody, I am new here. I would always find myself coming to this site but I finally made an account, so hello everyone I don't really know where to start but I guess I will start by saying I struggle with Relationship OCD, a lot of intrusive sexual thoughts, good and bad, some violent thoughts sometimes, but I'm mostly obsessed with sex. I have had so many different kinds of OCD, contamination/cleaning, pedophilia, trans-OCD and Hetero-OCD, (because I am a lesbian), religious/spiritual, and probably so many more kinds that I can't think of at the moment. Anxiety and depression rules my life. Relationship OCD affects me the most. I have been in a loving and amazing relationship for over three years now, but we are long distance. I love my girlfriend. Some stuff went down my freshman year of college, and I am terrified of hurting her again or cheating on her, or doing anything inappropriate with someone else. That being said, I have a very high sex drive, and I do not get to see her often. I have had obsessions with celebrities for as long as I can remember. I have memories of my obsessions as early as 3 or 4 years old. This has happened with so many different celebrities, and average people I see or meet. I have had this one celebrity obsession for around 2 years now. I guess this is just how I cope with being long distance. I keep telling myself not to indulge in her by looking at pictures, videos, or reading fanfic. I feel like a lot of people that write the fanfic are dealing with the same problems as me. I have deleted this celebrity so many times from social media just to add her back again, over and over. I always keep going back, even when I don't mean to. Sometimes I cannot resist. I think about these girls all day long, think about dating them and having sex with them, and then I masturbate to them. I also watch a lot of porn which I have been trying to stop. It really hurts my girlfriend when I confess about it. She knows all about my disorder. I try so hard not to confess but I also end up doing it even though I know I shouldn't. It really hurts my girlfriends feelings. I feel so guilty for having these thoughts of other girls. Not only is it celebrities, I will get obsessed with attractive girls I see at college. Sometimes I even have intrusive thoughts about my attractive friends! I also tend to find girls that look like my celebrity obsessions and go nuts thinking about them. At one point, I began unintentionally stalking these women. I have now realized how to stop myself from doing that. I would get too carried away and my brain would just take me too far. I am currently also obsessed with a few girls that live in my dorm. ONE OF THEM LIVES RIGHT ABOVE ME! That's so creepy of me. I want to have sex with these women so badly, but I know I cannot because I am in a relationship. And then I result to asking my girlfriend if she wants to hook up with them while I watch. I know it would be a disaster. But I get so obsessed with these women, and then I feel guilty if I talk to my friends about them. I try my best to not making inappropriate comments because my head is spinning out of control thinking about them. It's none of anyone's business, but sometimes I just try to repress it so much, it just needs to come out sometimes. I can tell when I am saying obsessive things because that is where my mind is. I try my best to stop. I could go on and on all day, but if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading all this. It means a lot. I was wondering if anyone else had similar problems? And if you would like to message me you can. Everyone have a great day

Welcome to PF!

Well..

Don't doubt you have OCD from some of those things you've listed, and posted about...

And feeling the need to confess to your g/f certainly sounds like that....

I wonder about the crushes/resulting obsessions themselves. Have you suspected any other issues besides anxiety, OCD?

I don't up to the extremes that you describe, but I get... fascinated..... easily. Infatuated, even. I suspect myself of having some BPD traits. And my celebrity crushes do tend to be lasting and... well I don't show it much on the outside, but internally intense. Kinda worship them, ha.

It just seems to be, that there's more that can be explained away by OCD - but.... OCD is, to me, like salt. Salt seasons things. And I've found that OCD flavors, intensifies, and makes me over analyze so much in my life. My OCD and anxiety tend to magnify everything in my head.

I used to feel guilty when I will see someone and think alot about them, fantasize, get a little infatuated sometimes. But I've decided it's how I'm wired. I don't generally worry I'm going to go a-cheatin'... and so instead of fretting I try to not worry about it, even enjoy the feeling a little-I know it's not going to last forever in the case of new little infatuations.

But that's just me.