Could this be HOCD?

So, I'm a 16 year old boy who's been suffering (or suffered, since I'm feeling A LOT better) grom TOCD, but putting that aside, I've been deadly afraid of being homosexual since i was eleven.
Now, this fear is constant, it's always there and it's been growing stronger and stronger since i can remember, god, i feel like this fear is so strong that even if i were gay, i wouldn't be able to date a guy.
Now, the story, this started when i was eleven and i had what i think was Same sex attraction, it appeared out of nowhere in a kid i already knew, and made me develop a phobia to school, wich i almosy dropped, i ended up going to a therapist to get over it.
I also now remember instances of having images of naked guys in my head appear for no reason during this time, i didn't like it and i was deeply afraid of what they meant, but they were there.
Now, after that came highschool, and i had some instance of attraction to guys, but it didn't feel right, let me describe it, i would literally avoid every possible contact with the person, get strong anxiety spikes every time the guys appeared near me, i ended up spending my entire first year of high school playing Uno just so i could ignore the existence of this guys, i never fantasized about them, didn't think about them in a sexual way, nothing.
Now, about age 14 or so i had my first crush on a girl, and it FELT SO ######6 GOOD, i won't describe it because this was more than two years ago and I'll prefer to describe te most recent one wich happened about a couple months ago, this girl had me ######6 dead, i was fantasizing about her 24/7, i could stop staring at her, god, i ended up having a folder with a few hundred pictures of her, i still like here and we're sourda friends, so that's all cool.
Now, I've never been able to get aroused looking at guys, but the simple image (although this mostly happens IRL) of a guy naked or without his shirt off scares the $#%^ out of me, makes me turn around if fear, im not sure if i find i attractive or not, because i can't differentiate that choking anxious sensation i always get with good old attraction
When it comes to porn, i only watch straight or lesbian stuff, i was never able to get off to gay porn, it actually repulsed me quite a bit.
TL;DR i have strong anxiety every time i see an attractive male, wich started at age 11 and has made my life a living hell since then, I'm constantly afraid of being gay, wich i don't want go be, could it be HOCD or am i a Bi Guy with massive anxiety problems

It seems you have hocd. If you are not getting attracted to men then you are not gay. When you say you are attracted to men but it doesn’t feel right, are you getting erections? Or is your mind telling you that you think they are hot and you would want to have sex with them but you hate having these thoughts and never get aroised by them? And then you feel a weird feeling with your penis and then get even more scared that you were aroused? That is hocd, and the way to beat it is to let the thoughts be. Every time you get an intrusive thought, just let it go and let it flow through your mind, let the anxiety explode, and just don’t do any compulsions, compulsions are things like checking to see if you are attracted or aroused, checking straight vs gay porn, etc etc. read my post on how to beat hocd to get a better insight I include everything you would want to know.

-- Mon Oct 30, 2017 12:34 am --

Wait hold, I believe you already have read my post. I’m guessing it helped with the Todd? But now your dealing with hocd? Dude you gotta trust what I said, ask any questions you have, do not let this shiz control you bro!

TreyBall wrote:It seems you have hocd. If you are not getting attracted to men then you are not gay. When you say you are attracted to men but it doesn’t feel right, are you getting erections? Or is your mind telling you that you think they are hot and you would want to have sex with them but you hate having these thoughts and never get aroised by them? And then you feel a weird feeling with your penis and then get even more scared that you were aroused? That is hocd, and the way to beat it is to let the thoughts be. Every time you get an intrusive thought, just let it go and let it flow through your mind, let the anxiety explode, and just don’t do any compulsions, compulsions are things like checking to see if you are attracted or aroused, checking straight vs gay porn, etc etc. read my post on how to beat hocd to get a better insight I include everything you would want to know.

-- Mon Oct 30, 2017 12:34 am --

Wait hold, I believe you already have read my post. I’m guessing it helped with the Todd? But now your dealing with hocd? Dude you gotta trust what I said, ask any questions you have, do not let this shiz control you bro!

Okay, this is more complicated that it seems, this has always been with me, since i was a kid, I've never felt aroused by a guy, in my life, nothing related to guys is able to give me a boners, but this attraction-ish thingy has been without going away, ever. I did get intrusive thoughts on and off while this fear was with me, like imagining myself with a girl i liked only for the girl to turn into a guy, or things like that. The thing is, this fear/attraction/whatever didn't go away when my TOCD appeared, wich leads me to bwlieve there is some degree of truth here, im truly gay or bisexual, even if i don't want to.

OCD doesn't always "switch" and then the old theme is gone. So you can have tocd and hocd thoughts at/around the same time.

-- Wed Nov 01, 2017 7:43 pm --

Also, erections and penis/testicle feelings aren't really a great indicator of anything if you had them anyway. They can be anxiety based as Trey mentioned the groinal responses.

jdd wrote:OCD doesn't always "switch" and then the old theme is gone. So you can have tocd and hocd thoughts at/around the same time.

-- Wed Nov 01, 2017 7:43 pm --

Also, erections and penis/testicle feelings aren't really a great indicator of anything if you had them anyway. They can be anxiety based as Trey mentioned the groinal responses.

Lucky I've mever dealt with groinal responses, most of the sensations i have regarding attractive males are usually choking sensations in my through, fear of contact and extreme awareness of their existence.