Obsessed with fictional characters and celebrities

This is a secret obsession which is causing me pain and guilt. It started out fun years ago, until this year.
I never had this problem this intensely when I was a teenager, or in my early 20's like you would think. I had celebrity crushes, and I sometimes felt either a bond or a romantic attraction to fictional characters once in a while, but nothing extreme.

For the past 5 or 6 years, I have been involved intensely in a 'fandom' for my favorite series of movies. It started out as a fun hobby, reading and writing fanfic, taking part in forums and blogs, I met others online who loved the same characters as I did. I improved my creative writing and made genuine friends along the way!

Earlier this year, the intense love and connection I felt for one of the fictional characters turned 'painful.' A new movie came out, featuring an updated and remade version of the characters I've felt SO attached to for many years. I developed an extreme crush on one of the actors, and because of that I followed him on Twitter. I looked up more information on him, saw pics of his wife, etc, and became depressed and crushed, and I cannot understand why this would hurt me so much. I think it's because I know he will never be in my life. He seems like the ideal guy, the man of my dreams. Funny, adorable, handsome, charming.

Oh, and I've been married myself for years, with children! This is childish, irrational, and it's something I can never tell family and friends.

I thought celebrity crushes were supposed to be harmless and fun. Now I am comparing this actor to my real life husband, and it's affected my marriage negatively. We don't have a perfect marriage, but it hasn't been bad either. It has lost the spark. I also find myself attracted to other men who come closer to resembling this actor. It makes me feel horribly guilty.

Has anyone ever gone through this?

I haven't had it become an obsession, but I have always wanted to be someone else, especially when I was younger. I wanted to be these special people/superheros or a 'man of mystery' or have magical powers.
It is fine for imagination and play purposes, but I could easily see it become delusional. I think that everyone can identify with feelings of grandeur once in a while, especially to escape mundane reality.
As I got older, I realized that I was pretty much stuck with me and to make the best of it. It's not that bad.
The Anime crowd have the Cosplay conventions like masquerade parties of old. People dress up and be someone else for awhile. True identities are held in anonymity.
If this is affecting your happiness, you might consult a therapist. You may want to let your husband in on it as it could become a fun thing to share. Make him into someone that you desire. Too many times a marriage becomes boring and unsatisfactory because we forget how to play. Be whoever you want to be for awhile, but then always return to who you are. Celebrate You and who You are with.
Best of luck to You.

@Wally58 thank you for your thoughts. I wish I could see a therapist for this, but I am too embarrassed and ashamed to admit the details of what's bothering me. I could explain it in general terms, like 'I'm feeling dissatisfied with my marriage and have a wandering eye to other men,' and 'I struggle with obsessions related to adulterous thoughts, but wouldn't have an affair.' I'm not sure how anyone would react to a grown, mature woman having such intense feelings about movie and book characters, either. I doubt I would bring that or celebrity crushes up.

When you said 'You may want to let your husband in on it as it could become a fun thing to share' and 'Make him into someone that you desire' would be easier said than done. He would think I'm crazy if I were to share this with him. He doesn't understand the 'fandom' culture, of having strong feelings about fictional characters or actors. He is probably an ESTJ or ESFJ in Myers-Briggs, very practical. I am an INFP, I've tested as that type over and over again. I've used movies, TV and books as escape and a source of happiness all my life. He uses work and sports.

To make him into someone I intensely desire, I'd have to convince him to eat more, gain weight, grow his hair back and dye it (he has a receding hairline which I'm finding less attractive, plus aging of the face, and I feel guilty about that), and try to get him to dress up in costumes of a historical period because my favorite fictional characters dress that way! He would think all of this is stupid and nitpicky.
I guess all I want is to be truly attracted to my husband again, the way he is! Then, maybe I would NOT have celebrity crushes or have lustful wandering eyes to other men everywhere. The funny thing is, when we were dating years ago, he was the type of guy I really liked. Lean in build, athletic, kind of a blue collar fix-it type. Now my tastes have changed and there is a certain type I'm more sexually attracted to (bigger heftier guys) and I crave a different kind of man. I'm also kind of a cougar I guess, because I find few men my own age (over 40) attractive. I feel awful about that. I was never a shallow person before.

This is probably more common than you think. I don't think that you have any need to be embarrassed or ashamed about it. Believe me, therapists hear about far more shocking problems and your sessions are anonymous. You might find better answers.
I did go out with a woman once who became sexually excited from watching the movie: An Officer and a Gentleman.
Was it because of Richard Gere? I didn't look a thing like him.

I'm a middle-aged dude. I guess I've always been a bit of a Prissy Ass-lol. I don't know if you'd call it "obsession" in my case. It's more like an empathy kind of thing. I was very sad in 1980 about the alleged Ordeal of Linda Lovelace (she wrote the autobiography that year.) It's almost like G-d led my hand to the burning coals (I'm not religious.) My Mother was tending to my Grandmother out of town, my Father (who was VERY smart) was pounding premed into my Dumb Brain. Yes-I am an MD-apparently with no insight. So,on Ash Wednesday 1980-I picked up a local newspaper from the college library and saw the headline "Terrifyingly True" story of her years as a White Slave. At the end of the article I was literally weeping and devastated. And, of COURSE, I came back to it a few times in the ensuing weeks (Oh-no more than about 6 x 10^23 times, I'd say.) I looked her up in the Readers Guide to periodical literature and read other articles about it. I know some of what she said was BULL, but Traynor was a mean guy. See the movie "Lovelace." My grades really suffered, but, then I'm not all that sharp anyhow. I only "got over" my obsession when Natalie Wood drowned in 1981. Hey-she DIED unexpectedly, and that's worse, right? I've only seen a few of her movies, but I had it BAD for her. I saw "This Property is Condemned" with her and Redford when I had strep throat in 1974. I was 14 and felt those first stirrings of manhood. Or is that wimp-hood? I even went all Kubler-Ross, and imagined that she was alive. I sweared (to myself only) that I saw her weeks later in a Mercedes stretch limo, here in the *mod edit* area, very much alive. Those were the two worst times up until now. I've had Bad crushes on Marg (CSI) Helgenberger, and Diane Lane. The former because her character was an exotic dancer, and was listed in the Bio as being a "Sex Crime Survivor." OMG-was she attacked at a Bachelor Party?!? And, her ex-husband became abusive to her once at work. As for Ms. Lane, of course I was sad when she married Josh Brolin. But, I was Sadder, and MADDER, when HE tried to hurt her in a drunken fight in real life! She made an Indie film called "Fierce People" and I actually went by bus to NYC to see the premiere at a film festival. (It turned out she was off filming another movie-the rest of the cast was there.) That's a bit stalkery, I know, but I swear on all things Holy, I meant her no harm. Going to the present time (sorry for the long post) Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a Times Square Hooker-cum-porn star on "The Deuce" on HBO. I don't GET HBO (except on demand-ripoff) but I heard about the series. I follow the spoilers online, and there is even a free download site. At one point-in episode 5-Spoiler alert-she is badly beaten by a John who came to rob her. That really GOT to me. Of course he hasn't paid for it. The door is closed and you can hear the punches come down. She is also, of course, nude in many scenes. It's almost as explicit as actual XXX hardcore. And, I mean, I know it's not her First Rodeo on that count. The thing is, I worry about the effect on her husband and kids. She's exploiting herself-she's even a coproducer. But, they say "this show is NOT to titillate." BS. She's a Very beautiful mature lady, and the younger girls are nice, too. It's like a train wreck, waiting for the next Bad thing to happen to her. I mean, I know that Ms. Margalit Ruth (her real Jewish name, and a lovely one) is doing quite well, but, still, this gets to me. I'd never DO anything to her Ever, but I will send her a Birthday card. I want her to feel appreciated. I also Twitter her (nothing creepy at all, actually politics mostly, and technical suggestions for her show. We're both "Red Diaper Doper babies" anyhow. I'

I'm too OLD to be acting this way, and am ashamed to go for help. What's worse, I have a recertification test in my specialty, and have gotten behind in the cramming. I even have to force myself to eat sometimes. It's mostly "hypolifeia" I know. I lost my Mom many years ago, and Dad to Old Age stuff two years ago. I cared for him. I don't like how I feel. Sorry for the long, rambling post.

I get celebrity crushes but I don't take it to extremes.. it's a nice feeling, I enjoy it, but don't take myself at all seriously.

Obsession with fictional characters... not quite, but I do get quite enamoured sometimes of women in commercials. And I'll want to see that commercial over and over to get this fleeting glimpse of someone I find utterly fascinating. Good thing I don't take it seriously, it'd be terribly frustrating, otherwise.

Yeah-it can suck. I don't think I've ever really liked ANY commercial (except the funny ones, like Alex the pit bull of Stroh's beer) the Hell's Angels/clumsy nerd Prudential commercial (aired during MASH-many moons ago) and the Hanes stewardess pantyhose commercial (SEXY-also in Jurassic times.) I have a bit of a Flight Attendant fetish. These days-many are older women or gay men, of course. But I flew United Business with my Late Father, and had a gift card ready for any hotties. An Older Gal waited on us, so I winked and gave her the card "for all you do" along with my business card. She was SO flattered. I then went to lectures out west where she lived (after she lost her Mom, me my Dad) and we got together. Didn't "seal the deal" but she's Great. She's "mature" but that doesn't deter ME a bit. I also satisfy my Inner Weinstein by donating to hotties on Gofundme. Not TOO much-and sometimes they're BS-but it's still worth it to me. I mostly go for single gals, of course, but also a married chick who needs a Liver Transplant.

Hi OP, this sounds a lot like myself. I too struggle with relationship OCD. It seems like every obsession revolves around my relationship. I have had intense celebrity obsessions every since I was a kid. I remember my earliest memory of this had to be around 3 or 4 years old. I used to obsess about being a certain someone from different shows and movies, I now think I understand why, I was probably attracted to them. It started with just acting out the characters, which a lot of children do, they have big imaginations, and then it started to turn into daydreaming about spending time with these characters or celebrities. As a kid, the daydreams were innocent, mostly involved just spending time doing normal things with these celebrities, almost like they were a motherly figure. But as I began to mature and went through puberty, I soon found myself with the same obsession for celebrities, yet turned sexual. I would daydream and fantasize all the time of a relationship with these women and having crazy hot sex with them. I am 22 years old, and I still do this today. Not only is it celebrities, it's random attractive women I see at college. I get crazy obsessed, and I hurt my girlfriend because I feel guilty about these thoughts and obsessions when I tell her about it. I always end up confessing about them, and it really hurts her feelings. I feel terrible for having the thoughts. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. I have had the same celebrity crush for almost two years now. I tell myself to stop indulging in her, (looking at pictures, videos, reading fanfic.) I can't tell you how many times I have had to unfollow her on social media to make myself stop. I get jealous and sick to my stomach when I see her with men. I should be jealous over my own REAL LIFE GIRLFRIEND! I also have found girls at my college that look similar to her and have gotten obsessed with them. I feel like a crazy freak. It got to the point where I would unintentionally stalk these women because I didn't realize how far I was going. I have been able to get it under control with the stalking thing and stop myself, but I will still stare so much when I see them and then when I am alone, I go and masturbate about them. I feel so sick and disgusting. These poor women have no idea what I am thinking about them inside my head. Even worse, my own girlfriend knows I do it and it hurts her feelings. I'm here if you would like to message me. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It sucks terribly. Thank you for reading all of this.

Hi OP, I'm happy I've found someone who also goes through this obsession. I am in my 20s and have obsessed with different celebrities and fictional characters since I was a child. But now, it seems like it's getting out of hand. I ship two fictional characters and, in turn, started shipping the actors. The actor got married to another woman and it has wrecked me. Totally. I don't know why it hit me so hard, but I couldn't sleep nor eat and wanted to throw up. My daydreams are too constant and I am too ashamed to seek for help. I was wondering if you have gone to a psychologist already, as I've seen that you've posted this a year ago. Just like you, I also write fanfic and have fun with it, but no one know anything about what goes in my head. I feel so alone in this and I'm worried this could go on forever.
I hope you're doing better. Much love.