Is this OCD or am I in denial? Please help

Hello everyone, this is my first time on this website so sorry for any mistake. Anyway before starting I just want to say that I don't have anything against trans or non binary people at all and I fully support you. So for the past year I've been feeling awful because of what I assume might be OCD (I looked it up and the symptoms match but I'm not sure), for example I've been obsessing over the scariest and weirdest thoughts I've ever had always thinking it was the real me, that I was doomed to be what my thoughts were telling me. I was scared I would harm myself or my family, I thought I had cancer and later that one of my family members had it too, I was terrified I was a pedophile because I don't mind babysitting and all these thoughts gave me anxiety and even panic attacks, I spent entire nights crying because of these thoughts but eventually they went away or were substituted by other thoughts. A few months ago tho I was watching a documentary about gender that I found really interesting because it's a really important matter nowadays and I was like:" damn I would be hot if I were a woman" and this plain thought just send me into literal hell (also I never even questioned my gender identity before and I was perfectly fine being a guy) I spent weeks obsessing over it and still I can't get it out of my head, I don't want to be a woman but my brain is telling me that I'm lying to myself, I tried to think about the possibility of being genderfluid or genderless but I feel like it doesn't suit me either. The scariest thing is that I'm gay so in the past I had girly interests etc and now I keep scanning my past looking for clues. I don't know what to do anymore, I lost hope, I just want to go back to when I didn't have any of these thoughts and I could live peacefully, when I could have a crush on a guy without worrying that I'm liking him just because I secretly feel like a girl. I don't know what it is I just want it to be OCD and I just want to be back to normal. Please please please someone answer me, I've been looking all over the internet on forums for an answer but I can't find it, I'm stuck in this and I don't know to get out.