Fantasizing with 'hocd'

When I imagine, like really vividly picture what it would be like to be with a woman it doesn't feel bad at all. Yes, it scares me and I feel depressed. But I can't say that there is a feeling or resistance deep down that knows it isn't me. It does feel good, is the thing....

I still can't imagine walking hand in hand with a woman down the street, but the physical stuff feels really intense. And when I see an attractive women I get a reaction right away, I don't even have to think about it. This to me signals that it's not OCD. When I look an attractive guy, it's like starting at a nice painting. It looks good, but I don't feel anything.

Recently someone posted in here that you can be gay and have hocd at the same time. So I guess basically you can still obsess and be scared of it, but you really are what you fear. That just makes me jump back to square one honestly.

My head is f**ked. Sorry for the rant.

Wish I could change the title, as they are more like tests than really fantasizing.

How old are you? Did you like men before all this?

And do you WANT to be with a woman, do you think it'll make you happy?

ConfusedAndAfraidGuy wrote:How old are you? Did you like men before all this?

And do you WANT to be with a woman, do you think it'll make you happy?

I did like men, yes. Though looking back on it, who knows anymore. My questioning has completely destroyed it though. So I don't know anymore. Maybe it's gone forever. It's hard to imagine going back to how it was after all the doubting.

I'm 30, so old enough to really know what I am. But I doubt a lot.

I don't know what will me make happy, having an answer I guess. Though part of feels like I know deep down and that just makes me sad. Sad because I find it hard to imagine being with a woman. Though it may be because I've never tried.

I've geuinely loved men, including my now boyfriend. I just don't know where it's gone. It makes me really, really down. When he tries to get close I feel like I don't even want it anymore. It isn't the same lately. I almost feel like I'm being fake and going through the motions.

I find it hard to be hopeful.

I find it hard to believe that you can both be gay and have hocd, even trough similar, first naturally occurs and one tries to defend from it for whatever their personal reasons may be, and the second is result of anxious thoughts etc. i would elaborate if you care.
during my own personal experience with hocd, i studied attraction and arousal, and i've found that thoughts can condition body responses but not to bore you with association etc.
basically your thoughts can change the way you react to stimuli.
And for me even if hocd was central theme but with it came many sexual depraved fantasies that too aroused me, to makes matter ironic i was most comfortable with hocd.
google psychological arousal and attraction it may offer you some insight in how high levels of anxiety may be attributed to attraction.
I've too experienced loss of attraction but as i grew more accustomed to gay thoughts they lost meaning to me and i've stopped overreacting to them and as time progressed i found my reactions return to stage prior to hocd or maybe something bit different and more intense.
but basically when i decided that i'd be/sleep with a guy if i felt like it i started going back to stage before hocd.

The proper name is Sexual Orientation OCD. When we use the term HOCD it's heteronormative for 2 years:
1. First it implies that homosexuality is an illness/disorder
2. It implies only straight people are afflicted with this OCD subtype when it runs the gauntlet. Gay people get SOOCD as due bisexual people.

Classic pc approach...
Hocd is slang description.
So is socd straight ocd. If seen term that term many times.

Well first I want to say that ocd can make you feel a lot of things. You feel like you're gay. You feel like you would like being with women. You feel like maybe you never liked guys. But the thing is, "feeling" like something is different than it being real. I remember looking back on all my crushes on boys when my ocd was really bad and thinking "wow I never even really liked them" In reality I know that's not true. I know that now because I recognize I was in a deep questioning and overanalyzing because of ocd. But at the moment, it felt so real. You say it seems like maybe you'd like it, and I felt that way for a long time too. If I pictured it for long enough, maybe I could get used to it and it didn't feel TOO bad. But the thing is you will drive yourself crazy doing this. Picturing yourself doing gay stuff and concluding things based on feelings that are so not telling of your sexuality is just not proof you are gay. I did it for so long but you just have to realize that just because you're picturing a scenario and it FEELS like maybe you could possibly do it, does not mean anything. You are not proving anything nor will you ever prove anything by picturing it in your head and doing these tests. This is your ocd trying to look for certainty. You feel like maybe if you think long and hard enough you will get a certain feeling or come to a realization and prove it. But you won't ever. Because that's not how sexuality is, you can't prove it. It's what you are. And ocd wants you to try to find a formula or perfect way to calculate what you are. But sexuality and your preference isn't a calculation, and you will not ever figure it out with doing what ocd wants you to do. You've got to learn to be okay with not knowing 100%. I have felt how you have felt and I know it feels so real, but guess what? This is ocd. This isn't a normal thought pattern, your brain is literally not functioning normally right now. I don't want to reassure you too much because that's not going to help you in the long run, but basically what I will say is most gay people wouldn't sit there and try to test for hours and days and months if they like the same gender. They wouldn't go in circles in their head trying to figure it out and overanalyze and obsess the way you are. Your brain is obsessing, and it's easy for ocd to twist your thoughts into believing something because you have so many thoughts in your head.

purplestripes18 wrote:Well first I want to say that ocd can make you feel a lot of things. You feel like you're gay. You feel like you would like being with women. You feel like maybe you never liked guys. But the thing is, "feeling" like something is different than it being real. I remember looking back on all my crushes on boys when my ocd was really bad and thinking "wow I never even really liked them" In reality I know that's not true. I know that now because I recognize I was in a deep questioning and overanalyzing because of ocd. But at the moment, it felt so real. You say it seems like maybe you'd like it, and I felt that way for a long time too. If I pictured it for long enough, maybe I could get used to it and it didn't feel TOO bad. But the thing is you will drive yourself crazy doing this. Picturing yourself doing gay stuff and concluding things based on feelings that are so not telling of your sexuality is just not proof you are gay. I did it for so long but you just have to realize that just because you're picturing a scenario and it FEELS like maybe you could possibly do it, does not mean anything. You are not proving anything nor will you ever prove anything by picturing it in your head and doing these tests. This is your ocd trying to look for certainty. You feel like maybe if you think long and hard enough you will get a certain feeling or come to a realization and prove it. But you won't ever. Because that's not how sexuality is, you can't prove it. It's what you are. And ocd wants you to try to find a formula or perfect way to calculate what you are. But sexuality and your preference isn't a calculation, and you will not ever figure it out with doing what ocd wants you to do. You've got to learn to be okay with not knowing 100%. I have felt how you have felt and I know it feels so real, but guess what? This is ocd. This isn't a normal thought pattern, your brain is literally not functioning normally right now. I don't want to reassure you too much because that's not going to help you in the long run, but basically what I will say is most gay people wouldn't sit there and try to test for hours and days and months if they like the same gender. They wouldn't go in circles in their head trying to figure it out and overanalyze and obsess the way you are. Your brain is obsessing, and it's easy for ocd to twist your thoughts into believing something because you have so many thoughts in your head.

I completely agree with this person. I had HOCD terribly but now I am completely fine. Get therapy, get on medication, and you will be fine. You are 30 years old? You don't just lose attraction to a gender. That is literally impossible. Especially after being happily heterosexual. Thoughts are just thoughts. Anyone can engage in sexual activity. Could a gay man have sex with a woman? Yes. There have been countless accounts of gay guys having sex with woman. Did they "maybe" "kinda" like it? Probably. Does that mean they're straight? Or bisexual? No. Why? Because they love men and they know this but they do it anyway for various reasons. Anyone can act sexually. Don't let your OCD throw you into that circle. We don't control our thoughts. If there is any fear following a thought then it is not real.

willbura wrote:

purplestripes18 wrote:Well first I want to say that ocd can make you feel a lot of things. You feel like you're gay. You feel like you would like being with women. You feel like maybe you never liked guys. But the thing is, "feeling" like something is different than it being real. I remember looking back on all my crushes on boys when my ocd was really bad and thinking "wow I never even really liked them" In reality I know that's not true. I know that now because I recognize I was in a deep questioning and overanalyzing because of ocd. But at the moment, it felt so real. You say it seems like maybe you'd like it, and I felt that way for a long time too. If I pictured it for long enough, maybe I could get used to it and it didn't feel TOO bad. But the thing is you will drive yourself crazy doing this. Picturing yourself doing gay stuff and concluding things based on feelings that are so not telling of your sexuality is just not proof you are gay. I did it for so long but you just have to realize that just because you're picturing a scenario and it FEELS like maybe you could possibly do it, does not mean anything. You are not proving anything nor will you ever prove anything by picturing it in your head and doing these tests. This is your ocd trying to look for certainty. You feel like maybe if you think long and hard enough you will get a certain feeling or come to a realization and prove it. But you won't ever. Because that's not how sexuality is, you can't prove it. It's what you are. And ocd wants you to try to find a formula or perfect way to calculate what you are. But sexuality and your preference isn't a calculation, and you will not ever figure it out with doing what ocd wants you to do. You've got to learn to be okay with not knowing 100%. I have felt how you have felt and I know it feels so real, but guess what? This is ocd. This isn't a normal thought pattern, your brain is literally not functioning normally right now. I don't want to reassure you too much because that's not going to help you in the long run, but basically what I will say is most gay people wouldn't sit there and try to test for hours and days and months if they like the same gender. They wouldn't go in circles in their head trying to figure it out and overanalyze and obsess the way you are. Your brain is obsessing, and it's easy for ocd to twist your thoughts into believing something because you have so many thoughts in your head.

I completely agree with this person. I had HOCD terribly but now I am completely fine. Get therapy, get on medication, and you will be fine. You are 30 years old? You don't just lose attraction to a gender. That is literally impossible. Especially after being happily heterosexual. Thoughts are just thoughts. Anyone can engage in sexual activity. Could a gay man have sex with a woman? Yes. There have been countless accounts of gay guys having sex with woman. Did they "maybe" "kinda" like it? Probably. Does that mean they're straight? Or bisexual? No. Why? Because they love men and they know this but they do it anyway for various reasons. Anyone can act sexually. Don't let your OCD throw you into that circle. We don't control our thoughts. If there is any fear following a thought then it is not real.

I'm 30 and have had HOCD since I was 19. I've always liked women, but HOCD has killed my libido and I spike when I see a nice looking guy. This morning I woke up a 4:30 and googled male models to determine if I'm really gay. Some days I'm fine other days it swells up and when I think I'm doing well my mind tells me "I'm delaying the inevitable."