Newbie: Confused iof recent anxiety/hocd thoughts. Any help?

Hey ya'll,

I'm a newbie here and have read through some post on this forum and found it such relief to find somehwere where people are openly writing out there issues. I wish you all well in whatever obstacles you are facing.

I wated to ask if anyone can spare a few minutes to provide some objective feedback regarding the issue i am dealing with below.

Issue regarding anxiety over previous incident that is making me confused about my sexual orientation:

For whatever reason my mind a few weeks ago thought of a random incident last year (that only happened once) where a thought entered my mind to look at a female colleagues cleavage in a sexual way (i'm a straight woman). I did look at her cleavage with the sexual intent but felt nothing and continued about my day. However, months later I started thinking of that incident and why the thought entered my mind to check out the female colleague in the sexual way in first place? I started researching if any other straight women did what I did that one time and then I started frantically reflecting on whether I checked out the female colleagues at any other times but my mind doesn't remember me checking her out deliberately other than that ONE TIME? However, I cant trust my mind now and doubts keep entering asking me "maybe you did have feelings for her, maybe you were checking her out more than that one time? But the thing is I don't recall checking her out other than that one time Obviously, my rational mind is telling me I would remember checking someone out that I was attracted to more than on time?

Could anyone help me with this. Does the above sound like I was attracted to the female colleague and what determines attraction? In my mind I know when I have had a crush on guys (though i'm a virgin with very little intimacy/romantic desire and i've never felt like that for a woman but because of this over-analyzing and doubts i know if I get a checklist or some sort of outline of what constitutes as sexual/emotional attraction I can compare it to whether i felt like that about the female colleague and put this anxiety to rest. My mind doesn't trust itself hence why I getting information on this topic from others will question it.

Also please don't confuse my worry with homophobia. This would truly be a misdiagnosis of my problems as I have had a lot of anxiety throughout my life and i seriously have no issues or shame.guilt towards same gender attraction, my issues are deeper issues to do with my mind and perfectionists way of thinking that attacks any area of my life.

Thank you to anyone who responds, i'm really just trying to move on. I'm not despairing as I know there is always light and something to be learnt from every obstacle.

I think it's just HOCD. A real lesbian/bi woman wouldn't react like you're doing. Try to not worry about it

Seeing the same sex as sexy or sexual is not uncommon for people who are heterosexual. I am a heterosexual man and I find plenty of men sexy, or they appeal to me in a sexual way. I have no interest in dating men or even fooling around with one.

I have had heterosexual friends who have had "sexual" encounters with the same sex but found that it was ultimately unsatisfying. This also is not uncommon.

My point about all of this is, sexuality is not black and white. To be heterosexual or homosexual does not shut out feeling or desires about the same/opposite sex. They just aren't that strong.

Let your feelings about sexuality stretch out and relax. You will go with what you like.

Thank you awesome beings above for your feedback, i realllyyyy apreciate it.

I know this may sound crazy but if anyone is able to break down what sexual/romantic attraction is it would really help me let go of this anxiety. My issue isnt confusion over my orientation, I know I am straight based on how i truly feel around men and women. However, my anxiety is driving me crazy by making me doubt myself and make me feel like I was attracted to my female colleague based on that ONE thought I had. I don't recall any other thoughts or feelings for her but my anxiety is still making me question myself. Hence why I asked if anyone could provide an outline of what sexual/romantic attraction is/feels like so i can combat anxious thoughts with information from an outside source (in other words information from anyone but me as my mind doesnt trust itself).

Truly this is the only thing i need help with to let this whole thing go.