Fear of becoming a psycopatj

Since I was younger I've had this fear of becoming crazy. Thanks started after I watched the movie "1408" and it lasted a few months. It went away for the most part but was triggered again over a year ago, and it was bad. I started therapy and discussed OCD with my doctor.

Well things have been off and on, I don't have insurance anymore so therapy isn't an option. But I just had a really bad trigger and I'm so scared. Roughly a year ago l ended up having to pick a friend up at the airport .. she had been there a few hours and was upset because her roommate never picked her up. I was trying to make her laugh and was like "If you wanna kill her I'll help you" in a joking way. And just like stupid things like " I'll help you hide the body" and I was joking and I wasnt thinking. Fast forward the next day, her friend ended up killing herself, which is why she didn't come. It was horrible and awful and the thought that I was joking about those things which are horrible and inappropriate before make me so sick. I feel like a psychopath right now because the memory just came back to me. What if I am not upset enough about it? Or if I can joke about these things am I easily capable of doing them? I've never hurt anyone and I feel guilty for even being rude to people. I am ultra cautious and empathetic but I feel like what if I'm faking all that and underneath I'm actually insane and will snap one day? I don't want to hurt anyone. I could never do that . I'm freaking out and I just want to be normal.

You sound perfectly normal to me-other than needlessly worrying... you had no way of knowing that person was in a crisis. It's just unfortunate happenstance and could have happened to anyone. As far as being upset, if the person wasn't particularly close to you, by what measure do you determine you don't care enough? You're being awfully hard on yourself, sweetie...