HOCD I've Given Up: I'm Gay, Everyone.

Yeah.

I basically am coming to the conclusion that I never liked guys in the first place. I thought I had been in love but maybe it was just media driven, as so many homosexuals claim they experience this.

I had crushes on only men but sex and kissing makes me fearful.

With women, since HOCD began, there are no crushes but the idea of oral sex turns me on (my way of "checking"). Much more than the idea of penetration. I also thought of oral sex with a friend and that made me more turned on than ever. Yup, gay. No hope.

I also have trouble finding any man attractive anymore. This depresses the living crap out of me.

I research and think about this all day and all night now. Probably just because I'm gay.

I also have accepted the thoughts of kissing women. They make me feel weird but I do not fear them the way I fear kissing men. What's up with that. I'm 19 and think men are super cute why don't I want to kiss them...insecurity? The fact that my sister and best friend were raped? Because I've always been really shy?? I feel like I'm just making excuses for my very closeted self.

I'm 19, I should have had sex by now.

Oh well. I tried to fight it HOCD/being gay, whatever the f**k it is, I thought I could...

I feel the same way but the other way around. This BS sucks.

Look, I know how you feel. From seeing your other post, honestly I think regardless of what you think your sexuality is, you need to seek therapy. In that post, you seemed very anxious and showed clear signs of OCD. You need to realize the real enemy here is not the confusion of your sexuality, but OCD. And I know exactly how that feels. Trust me there have been days where I've been convinced I was gay, feeling like the world was crashing down around me, and there have also been days where I feel like myself again and I know I am straight. That proves just how confusing HOCD can be and I want you to know that although it may seem like your life is over now, that's not true. If you start seeing an OCD specialist, you will truly benefit and hopefully be able to somewhat make sense of these thoughts! I hope you feel better, reading this post made me sad because I know how moments like these feel - but this does not determine anything except the fact that you have OCD.

purplestripes18 wrote:Look, I know how you feel. From seeing your other post, honestly I think regardless of what you think your sexuality is, you need to seek therapy. In that post, you seemed very anxious and showed clear signs of OCD. You need to realize the real enemy here is not the confusion of your sexuality, but OCD. And I know exactly how that feels. Trust me there have been days where I've been convinced I was gay, feeling like the world was crashing down around me, and there have also been days where I feel like myself again and I know I am straight. That proves just how confusing HOCD can be and I want you to know that although it may seem like your life is over now, that's not true. If you start seeing an OCD specialist, you will truly benefit and hopefully be able to somewhat make sense of these thoughts! I hope you feel better, reading this post made me sad because I know how moments like these feel - but this does not determine anything except the fact that you have OCD.

Thanks for your support <3 bless you.

I will seek help.

Hun please listen reassurance won't last for more than a few hours. Therapy will it is your best bet to help you get over your irrational fear of being gay.

Gay people usually know from childhood that they are gay (please do not look into your childhood if you never noticed it before it was never there) what I'm saying is you don't just turn gay at 19.. I have a lot of gay friends and they said they knew from when they were very very young. I'm 19.. I've kissed many girls I've been turned on by girls to and all of my girlfriends are the same. It's a phase.. and no who cares if you're a virgin at 19 it doesn't matter!! Don't be so harsh on yourself it's definitely shyness and you will meet someone who will bring you out of your shell one day

Please please get some therapy.. this fear is totally irrational and I hope I can put your mind at ease for a few hrs by telling you it's just OCD although it feels extremely real!! I've had fears I was a psychopath and nobody could talk me out of them until therapy. You owe it to yourself to get better.

All the best

Courtney125 wrote:Hun please listen reassurance won't last for more than a few hours. Therapy will it is your best bet to help you get over your irrational fear of being gay.

Gay people usually know from childhood that they are gay (please do not look into your childhood if you never noticed it before it was never there) what I'm saying is you don't just turn gay at 19.. I have a lot of gay friends and they said they knew from when they were very very young. I'm 19.. I've kissed many girls I've been turned on by girls to and all of my girlfriends are the same. It's a phase.. and no who cares if you're a virgin at 19 it doesn't matter!! Don't be so harsh on yourself it's definitely shyness and you will meet someone who will bring you out of your shell one day

Please please get some therapy.. this fear is totally irrational and I hope I can put your mind at ease for a few hrs by telling you it's just OCD although it feels extremely real!! I've had fears I was a psychopath and nobody could talk me out of them until therapy. You owe it to yourself to get better.

All the best

Oh my freaking god, don't call it an effing phase. I'm gay with straight OCD and you're really triggering my anxiety bad.

Kip,

I'm sorry I did not intend or mean to trigger your anxiety. I was trying to ease her irrational fear by saying that she 18/19 as a female it is quite common to go out and kiss your friends and enjoy it etc as I have done all of those things.. but there is a dominant attraction still there for males.

You're gay, so don't take my advice. I'm speaking from a young girls perspective of we all go through phases of kissing friends etc, you're OCD is clearly distressing you as well and I've been there (still am) I did not mean to trigger you and I think you should seek comfort in the fact that you ARE in fact gay and being gay is not a "phase" but if you look around on social media so many young girls will go out and kiss there friends etc that's all I meant by it.

If you tell me more of your story I'm sure I can clarify how my post was not related to your experience.

Thank you, Courtney! I was not triggered by this at all. Helped, actually

-- Fri Mar 31, 2017 9:12 am --

Kip wrote:

Courtney125 wrote:Hun please listen reassurance won't last for more than a few hours. Therapy will it is your best bet to help you get over your irrational fear of being gay.

Gay people usually know from childhood that they are gay (please do not look into your childhood if you never noticed it before it was never there) what I'm saying is you don't just turn gay at 19.. I have a lot of gay friends and they said they knew from when they were very very young. I'm 19.. I've kissed many girls I've been turned on by girls to and all of my girlfriends are the same. It's a phase.. and no who cares if you're a virgin at 19 it doesn't matter!! Don't be so harsh on yourself it's definitely shyness and you will meet someone who will bring you out of your shell one day

Please please get some therapy.. this fear is totally irrational and I hope I can put your mind at ease for a few hrs by telling you it's just OCD although it feels extremely real!! I've had fears I was a psychopath and nobody could talk me out of them until therapy. You owe it to yourself to get better.

All the best

Oh my freaking god, don't call it an effing phase. I'm gay with straight OCD and you're really triggering my anxiety bad.

She is speaking in terms of a straight person with HOCD, and apparently you're a lesbian with HOCD.

So your phase may be similar to mine, just the opposite (mind trying to trick you that you're straight and always has been when you're actually gay and have known all along).

For me, I certainly hope this HOCD is simply a phase!!