New to OCD, ROCD and forum

I was diagnosed with GAD in my early 20s, now (29). I take medication to manage, but recently have had a recent spike in my anxiety. Usually when i have these spikes I usually stress and have anxiety about my husband. We have been married for 5 years now. I love him dearly, but often i worry what if something happens to him, i worry when he goes away, when hes out with friends. Recently however, this worry has taken a turn.. I have now start to obsess and worry that what if Im not in love with him?! These feelings came on completely randomly, as ive never even had these thoughts what-so-ever... These thoughts have become so distressing to me. When i see his texts or calls i often get a lump in my chest because im so anxious and worried. When i kiss him, i try to "feel" if I love him or not. I have looked online (as an anxious mess...) And have come across ROCD. I feel as if this is what i'm experiencing. I have never had these feelings or thoughts before.

I am currently seeing a psychologist to manage my anxiety symptoms (I think its CBT).. anyways just looking for some advice to get through this rough time. I am hoping i can see my psychologist soon to work through this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Dear kky151:

Anxiety is fear circulating in our brain looking for a place to nest, to make its home. Your anxiety most recent nest is ROCD, fearing you are not in love with your husband. If this particular fear is resolved, this nest abandoned, the anxiety will keep its search for a nest. And so, I hope that in counseling, you will get help for your work with healing from/ managing your anxiety.

In regards to the current anxiety- nest, ROCD- the more you check, alarmed and alert, the less likely you are to feel in-love. This is so because feeling in love requires some relaxation, NOT being alarmed and alert. So this kind of checking only exacerbates the fear and is of no reliable evidence one way or another.

I would think of it this way, if I was you: "If I feel in love or not doesn't matter. I am married to this man and will remain married. So, I will behave with him lovingly regardless. Besides, no one feels in-love with another 100% of the time- it doesn't happen to anyone. Why would I be the exception?

atina

Hi Anita-

Thank you so much for your reply. This actually made my day. Its a new perspective that I can really relate to. Often times when I am anxious feeling (body tingling, heat feeling heavy), I try to "place" those feelings onto something. They could go to anything. I feel this this really made sense to me. I appreciate you taking the time to get back to me.

Thanks, it really means alot.

Dear kky151:

You are welcome. Whenever there is a new post on this thread I get a notification in my email account. So anytime you'd like to send me a note, post it here and I will reply with the intent and hope of being helpful to you.

atina

Hi guys, I was wondering if anyone has ever experienced anything like this. Sorry, it’ll be a long post!!

I am 20 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years.  I can't tell you how wonderful he is.  He is kind, smart, funny, and comes from an amazing family that I love so much.  Our love has always been stable and strong; he is my rock and my very best friend in life.  We have the same goals and values, and I know that I want to have a family and future with him.  We don't have giant arguments - we are really good at communicating and working out any problems we might have had.  I've never once questioned us.

Until about month ago, when I literally woke up and felt nothing.  This is the scariest feeling in the world.  I went from absolutely ADORING him, to feeling nothing.  I pace around my house obsessively, thinking about every little thing about us.  I feel pangs of guilt anytime that he does anything sweet because he loves me SO much and I feel like suddenly, I can't reciprocate that.  I've struggled with the question, "Am I still in love with him?" and it has broken my heart to even ask myself that.  I feel so guilty, like I am keeping a secret from him and he's living in this blissful ignorance.  I don't want to leave him, and I don't ever think about what it would be like to be with anyone else.  It makes me anxious to be around him because I'm constantly overanalyzing everything to see if I feel the same way, and to not be around him because I just keep overthinking.

I’ve talked to him about this, and he’s very understanding and is supporting me through all of this. He knows I’m not in a right state now, so he’s sticking by me while I sort this out.

I’ve started taking Lexapro 10 mg, for about a week now. I also see a therapist weekly, who diagnosed me with GAD and depression. But lately, I’ve started to get irritated with my boyfriend. Everything is negative. Things he used to do that would make me laugh, don’t. There are times that even his voice irritates me. I don’t really like to be around other people, but when I’m around my family they don’t irritate me, so I think “then it MUST be him! break up!” which fuels anxiety. I’ve been very emotionless lately, so that doesn’t help in rationalizing these thoughts. The lack of emotions coupled with these thoughts lately have been taking such a toll on me.

Basically, has anyone ever dealt with anything like this concerning relationship anxiety? The last thing I want to do is lose my wonderful relationship because of this anxiety.