HOCD OR NOT PLEASE HELP

I've posted many times before and I'm just on here honestly looking in for more peoples opinions. As i have said before this started about 2 months ago. I really started a year ago but I was way too distracted with other things to pay as much attention. Anyways I'm afraid that I am now a lesbian and do not like boys anymore. Before it was really bad and it put me in a depressive state now I'm not very depressed is just I'm getting irritated by my mind. I've never had any experience with he opposite sex really so I can't say what I like or do not like. All I know is tat fantasising about men always used to turn me on. It became addictive at a point anytime I would develop a celebrity crush I would fantasise about having sex with him or being in a relationship with him. Anytime I would develop a female celebrity crush I would try to act like her or wish I could dress like her. That never ever shifted. Now its harder to get aroused by fantasising about men and I feel like fantasising about being in a relationship is hard because ive never been in one. As for women they keep popping up in my brain and disturbing me. I get uncomfortable spikes and my body actually has a reaction to it sometimes. Its either that or just no arousal or interest. Im also scared because when I was researching I came across a denial vs HOCD page and I saw that denial is because of what people may think of you. Now every-time i think about being gay my mind goes "ye what would your mum say" and I totally freak out cause I think that means I'm gay. Even small things such as a rainbow flag would trigger me. seeing a straight or gay couple would trigger me. I dont feel an attraction to guys right now whatsoever but I know I used to. and as for women nah i don't feel an attraction and it takes a lot of concentration to think about myself and a woman. Whenever I try to go who cares if I'm gay I freak out because its like. I DO!!!! I don't want to be gay. I just want to fall madly in love with a man and having amazing sex.

Update: I even tried reading an erotic lesbian novel the way I read erotic straight novels and I was so scared and I got a feeling in my near my area it wasn't arousal though cos it felt different. And the whole time I kept physically checking myself I never felt wet. I was also a bit creeped out by what I read but thats whatever.

While I don't believe that being gay is a problem, I can understand that you are having intrusive thoughts that are upsetting you. It must be exhausting to keep checking and testing yourself. I guess that your anxiety would be pretty high. Are you in a school that has counselling services? While not every counsellor is equipped to handle OCD, it could be a place to start. How old are you? Do you have any family or friend support? Sometimes keeping the secret is a tremendous burden. I'm sorry you're going through this.
C.

Honey, best thing i found effective is to go with your fear, agree with it, for a while, you see in order to get a better sense of yourself you need to think straightly(without fear and anxiety), so whatever you are lesbian or not best thing for you is to do ERP+mindfulness
1.don't fight your thoughts,don't run away from them, accept them, agree with them even if they are irrationonal, the problem is that when you have such thoughts your response is to analyze,analyze and analyze while you fear one of the possibilities so you feel like you are biased towards your fear or against it, if you lose your fear you will see where you are and that is the most important thing.
2.agreeing with your thoughts doesn't mean you should come out or anything like that, its natural that you fear reactions of everybody(why do you think hocd patients try to lok more masculine or effeminate...well in order to influence thoughts of others, and if measured by your standards they are all gay), being gay is not the end of the world no matter what your situation is... you are in control, coming out, acting on your feelings etc. you need to realize that and freely explore the situation.
If you spent nearly as much time like me exploring this you would know that these thoughts are here because you fear them, and that is the way both hocd patients and gay people feel after associating such thoughts with homosexual orientation thats the moment when it becomes real(homosexuals would enjoy such thoughts before this, but this information shouldn't serve as reasurance).
PS this method worked wonders for me, after 2 months like you i've spent like a month doing this, this way i feel like 1% of what i felt 20 days ago, if i still felt like being gay was this awful thing i would still tremble and fear looking at my friends faces fearing i'd like them.
Its not the end of the world,relax it will get better