Can't find out what's wrong

So basically i don't know where i am mentally. it started a few months ago but keeps getting worse. I started smoking reasons for purposes of getting through things but it has gotten so bad that i went from smoking every so often to everyday. Over the course of smoking everyday i have seemed to realise how bad my depression and OCD worsened from the start of school. with my OCD i can't do anything now. it has crippled me into not being able to touch prett much most things without having to keep doing it to make it feel "just right". it's bad because i can't even have a normal thought pass through my mind without having to focus hardly on the thought to understand it. i feel at war with my mind basically and i feel that i can't control it anymore. I feel that everything is routine and getting worse and the loneliness is worse and whenever i think about ending it i don't want to because i feel like i have hope for the future but when i think about it i don't. It's bad and to the point where i can't control my mood and everything's dull. Nothing just feels real anymore and it's getting worse. ife heard that weed can make mental stability worsen and $#%^ but i'm not sure anymore. everything is boring and meaningless and it's hard to make it through an entire day. even writing this doesn't even feel real because i feel as if i'll never have help or anything.

Hey,

I would not suggest ceasing the smoking immediately, like, cold turkey. I would definitely suggest that you aim to reduce your level of smoking to the point where, eventually, you could easily ditch it altogether. In order for that to work, though, you need to be receptive to bringing new things into your life, like going out for a walk, for example, or going to the gym. Trying to change your smoking habits will not work unless you additionally try to change other habits. Ditch the TV too, if you can, as it only shows utter nonsense. If it ls means ditching friends who only use you or make you worse, then so be it. You are in control of your life and no-one else.

OCD can be big problem - I know. I was like you. The way to start to manage it better is to observe your behavioural patterns and to understand better the situations in which your OCD symptoms are worse - perhaps you can learn to avoid certain situations. Also, regarding touching, it's fine to say to yourself: 'Okay, I'll touch it just one more time', but then, additionally, you have to say to yourself: 'I'l touch it one more time and then I won't care about what happens - I'll move on with my life because I have much more important things to do'. Keep trying that. Keep working with the thoughts.

Do it, then move on, because your new life is waiting for you.

Kevin