fear of sleepwalking

Hi,
Recently I read about a case in which a man allegedly killed while sleepwalking, and sleeping has been hell since. I've been suffering from harm thoughts but they no longer brought me any anxiety, but this one really got to me. I guess I just need some reassurance. I sleepwalked once as a child, but it was never bad, I simply woke up lying on the couch with no idea of how i got there. It hasn't happened since, but this fear is really interfering with my life. I know that sleep deprivation and anxiety can lead to sleepwalking which only makes it worse. The moment I lay down, i start to think "what if i hurt my family?" and then the thought that, if I thought it right before I went to bed and it caused me such anxiety, I could act on it. This afternoon, after a long walk, I laid down on the couch to take a nap, and when I closed my eyes the image of a knife came to my mind, and then I couldn't fall asleep cause I thought, since I thought it before falling asleep, I could go and grab one and hurt someone. I had such a bad response to it, my heart started racing and I felt like crying. I can't help it, and it's really painful. Please help.

Dear andicry:

After 50 years of OCD, thoughts still scare me but I remind myself: it is just a thought, an image. It is not real, it didn't happen.

With OCD it is as ridiculous as this: a person thinks: "I am an elephant" Next, the person worries: I thought it, what if I become an elephant? So the person worries about it, can't sleep, goes to the mirror, checks to see if he is an elephant. Asks people on the street: "Am I an elephant?"

And in bed, the person touches his face to see if he has a trunk or floppy ears! Or the person opens his mouth to hear if the sound that comes out is an elephant sound.

When I get scared of a THOUGHT or an IMAGE, I think of the elephant thought.

atina

Hi, andicry. I psychiatrist I saw briefly told me, anonymously, about a patient of his with a very similar obsession. He was afraid of hurting his children in his sleep, so he would obsessively buy and check alarm clocks to make sure he woke up at the right time. If it helps, he's made a full recovery since.

I also once spoke with a man who actually did assault someone in his sleep. As I understand, people who do that have gone through some kind of profound, often violent, trauma that puts them on a state of constant alert. In other words it's a (very rare) symptom of PTSD. And even the people who do go through this almost never manage to hurt anyone seriously. It's quite possible that the person in the case you read about it is just reaching for a legal defense. Sleepwalkers make very ineffective killers.

Do you have someone to help you, like a psychologist?