POCD? Please help me

I will try to keep this as brief as I can, but I really, really need help.

Okay so first off, I'm a 17 year old guy, and I'm gay. Ever since I came out a few years ago my friends (jokingly) made fun of me for typically liking younger guys, typically a year or two younger than me. This preference still exists, and it's usually not a problem, it's just sometimes they poke fun at me. Also, my very, very religious conservative grandparents one time told me about how the bible says that basically all gay people are perverts. (Without even knowing I was gay)

So for a year or two I kept trying to prove to myself that I could be attracted to older guys, with little success. It wasn't that big of a deal but it started taking a toll on my mind. About April of this year, it got really bad. I started to think I was attracted to kids wayyy younger than me. Like 10-11. Then over the next month I convinced myself that I was attracted to little kids, like 3-4.

This took a HUGE toll on my mind. I became super, super depressed and unmotivated, yet somehow I managed to keep crawling along in life. I work at a movie theatre so I saw little kids all the time and all throughout my shift was basically a giant panic attack.

Important: Here is what is going through my mind: I found these kids attractive, in a way. I have NEVER had a sexual fantasy about anyone pre-puberty, and that's true to this day. It's almost like I appreciate their attractiveness, but don't want to have sex with them. You'd think that's enough to convince myself that I'm not a pervert but ohhhh no. This is ALL I think about ALL day long. EVERY time I see someone of the male gender that isn't completely ugly, I over-analyze my thoughts and try to see if I'm attracted to them. I imagine having sex with them and it makes me feel worse. I'm running out of words to describe them...but basically I notice kids that are attractive, and by habit now I look at their body analyzing whether I find them sexually attracted to them or not, and it doesn't completely disgust me when I do look at them, I'm just afraid of being attracted to them. Does this make any sense?

I think what makes me feel worst of all, is that my bigget fear isn't of hurting these kids (though I don't want to hurt anyone), but it's that I'm TERRIFIED of being hated by my friends and family. I keep imagining a future where I rape someone and end up going to jail, and all of my family hates me and I will have absolutely no one in this world. This is what keeps me up at night...

I don't know what to do. Do I actually have POCD? What do I do? PLEASE help.