HOCD or just gay in denial?!

Hi Everyone! I caved.... I am finally posting here. First off, I am sorry for what is likely to be a pretty confusing thread but I need some sort of answers from people other than my brain. LOL. I am going to try to be as clear as possible... Here we go!

I am 21 years old and I have been in a relationship for about 3 years. I love my girlfriend more than I can fathom. For the past two years however, I have had pretty bad Health OCD. Always afraid I have some sort of random health ailment such as Lupus or a Brain Bleed or something outrageous. For awhile, that heavily controlled my life as I was constantly going to the doctors for these random health problems I seemed to be experiencing that were life threatening but the doctor just ruled it out as anxiety and it shortly went away. I would constantly freak out about them. Luckly though, a few months before this situation took place, I didn't seem to be worrying too much about them and I was living a normal life. However, about 6 or so months ago I started to have weird gay thoughts. I am not sure exactly how they came about but they happened during a time in which I was HEAVILY watching STRAIGHT porn / masterbating.

Now I seem to be back in the same worrysome life. This time of however, of course, over being gay. It's a very confusing situation because I keep getting so many mixed signals from my brain. I do know I have gay tendencies... For instance, I kinda enjoy a little bit of butt play. LMAO. Does this make me gay, no but I think it's something a lot of gay men like so it may be because I am gay. Secondly.... Whenever I watch porn I typically always start out with straight porn. I will see a hot chick online or something and say... Holy $#%^ I kinda want to jerk it right now. (Don't judge, LOL) I'll turn on some nice straight or lesbian porn and go to town.... For about 5 minutes.... then suddenly I start thinking I want to watch gay porn? I'll give into my random desires and ill turn on the gay porn. Most often, I won't enjoy it and be pretty grossed out by it or I will have to find a very specific type of gay porn (Straight teen boys giving blow jobs to eachother for the first time or something very specific like that). However, sometimes I have realized I seem to get extremely hard off of it. It's seriously throwing my brain off like crazy. I've liked chicks my entire ######6 life. I was absolutely crazy about them... Why in the ###$ is my brain wanting gay porn?!?! It is seriously confusing the $#%^ out of me. When I am having sex with my lady I am constantly thinking about it now and how I am gay and not actually enjoying it. Or when I am walking in the store I will see a fine lady, look her up and down then be like, what am I doing, I like men now and im just trying to act like I like her. I can't figure out what the hell is going on!!! I am wanting to cry just writing about it.... Also, right before this happened my only sister (No brothers) came out as a lesbian. My uncle is gay as well and I constantly feel like if they are, I am likely to be too. However, I wasn't my whole life, so why at 20 years old did I suddenly become gay?!?! Have I always been in denial my whole life? I keep reading that people who are homophobic are typically gays in denial. For most of my high school years I was pretty homophobic. So, that seems to be another reason I may be gay.... Also. I have this weird feeling I want to give a blowjob, I know I wont like it because I can't imagine rubbing up on a big hairy dude but it is this strange desire to give oral to another guy. Sometimes I get a bit hard just thinking about it! Can someone tell me what the hell is happening with my brain!? Am I gay and just completely in denial or do I have a bout of HOCD?! I just want to go back to my freaking life I had with my girlfriend and how I used to love women. I don't freaking get why I am suddenly having these thoughts! The thought of gay porn and men is gross but for some reason I want it?! I have no idea what is going on.... All help appreciated! If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

Hey bro, you are not gay, but there is a possibility that your not completely straight. I feel you man, but here's the thing, your 20 and im *mod edit*, so its a little different. At your age, If you haven't had a strong urge to get with a guy or you haven't liked any guys, your are definitely straight, but you said you have a couple fetishes which may lead you to be very slightly homosexual. Do you masturbate often? More than 5 times a week? That could be what causes you too get erect to gay porn. Do you ever watch straight porn and look at the guy? You don't enjoy the sex anymore, drop the porn. My hocd is way worse than yours man. Seek help, go talk to your uncle about it. What is your biggest fear? You didn't really explain that much and maybe if you tell me some more details I could help you more bro! Just by reading your story, I knew you had hocd and weren't gay, but the question is that is there anything your not telling us?