HOCD and voice in the head

Hello, I'm a 32 male who always suffered of anxiety and OCD.
I suffered in particular HOCD for 10 years, obviously with different phases. In moment of calm I found myself selfconfident, full of desire and I've got many relations with many girlfiends. It's been 4 years since the last "demon attack". I feel terrible, just now I was really happy of my relation (2 years). After 4 years of medications I stopped them on advice of the psychiatrist, above all because - suddenly - one day I started to loose erection and this produced me anxiety. I thought it was becoming better but depression, fear and all the other $#%^ come back, stronger than ever.
This time I'm really scared because some thoughts don't give me back anxiety as the past. I started to take medications again (since the last week). There's a voice in my head which seems to force me to say to everyone I'm g and I try to block it... It's like my head is so stressed that sometimes it seems to force me to accept the idea... and other anxiety comes back.
It comes back every minutes. I have only some minutes of "peace" during them I can talk with my girlfriend and everything seems to be ok... It's terrible because I thought I overpassed every problem and now... again.

I'm also really depressed and anxious and worried because this time I decided to take a psychoterapist support too, to find the causes and I'm really worried about talking everything and have answers...

I would only have a normal life... I would only have a relief after years of thinking about past and I would come back to be happy looking to a girl. Now it's awful. I can't feel anything for anyone.

Sorry for the chaotic writing but I needed to unload all the weight of this ######6 problem.
Hope to be helped, hope to help someone.

Anyone of you had the same experience? Anyone of you felt the same way? Please reply with your experiences, it would really help.