A few months ago, I finally escaped from that cursed form of OCD - POCD. In my opinion, it was a very severe case of POCD, since i was constantly thinking about it, i created some false traits and " symtomps that would " show " me that I am a pedophile, but that was very weird since I knew 100% that I am not a pedophile, since I do not feel sexual attraction to childrens. Some of those symtops were irrational, for example I would breath and think at a child, then to a girl of my age that I like, and if the breath wont feel the same when i thought at that child compared to when i thought of the girl i like, i would get very anxious and suicidal, I don't even know how to describe that breath feeling, it just felt different ( obviously not feeling any atraction to the child ). Also I was affraid of those groinal responses, and guess what ? The more I was affraid, the more they happened. After 5 months of suffering, I finally realised that all those traits and feelings were self-induced, or provoked by myself ( without intention ) so it would fit with the OCD. A few weeks ago i remind myself how i felt then, and all those traits and symtopms came back. I can't do anything. I can't sleep, I can't focus, I can't do nothing. This thought of " why you feel like this when you breath " and " what if this is not POCD and you are really a pedophile " are killing me. How is that possible, even if i know I am NOT a pedophile ? Why it came back ? What I did wrong ? I like girls that are my age, not little kids. Also, I want to mention that i suffered from a strong form of HOCD ( 4 years ), but this looks like a walk in a park compared to that POCD thing. Please help me, I'm so depressed, I don't know what to do.
-- Mon Aug 29, 2016 11:49 pm --
Also I forgot to mention that all the " symtopms " I got happened after reading about them...
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