I do not have OCD but am in a relationship and my boyfriend has contamination OCD. I had no exp with OCD until I met him. He was not up front about his OCD, ie the extent of it, at the beginning. Initially he told me he has it, and he doesn't like trash, things that are dirty and sitting on the floor. Well, as our relationship progressed and I fell in love with him I discovered the following as these OCD incidents happened along the way - and I do not know on the spectrum of OCD if this is "normal" OCD or severe OCD. He is 49, not on any meds, and last therapy he did was 23 years ago. I asked him if there was even 10 minutes during the day when he was not worried about being contaminated, or getting contaminated, I asked him if he ever got relief from thinking about contamination. He said no, the only time he gets relief is when he is unconscious, otherwise contamination/being contaminated/wondering if he touched something and got contaminated is on his mind continually.
It would help me to know - on the spectrum of OCD - whether this is typical. I have no idea how to help at this point and no way to know how much help would be needed since I do not know if the following is "severe" or "moderate" (if it is possible to say even). He says that it is not severe. He says that 23 years ago he could not even use a toilet and had to wait until night time and go outside; and he would purposely not drink anything during the day to avoid going to the toilet. He will use a toilet now; however he pauses every time he enters the bathroom. If he has a bowel movement he has to take a shower for 15 minutes and do a certain ritual, i.e. first the face, then ears, then arms etc and if he makes a mistake he starts all over. He absolutely has to take a shower after having a bowel movement.
These are some of the behaviors I have experienced (It is in no particular order, just examples of what has gone on in our relationship re his OCD)
1. If I throw something in the trash, even if my hand is far away from the trash can, my hand becomes contaminated; if I touch my face or hair, or anything I touch after throwing something away - that becomes contaminated. I found out about the throwing something away issue when I threw something away and approached him and he jumped up and hid behind the chair, looked terrified and told me he had to protect himself from me.
After I throw something away he will not let me touch him until I wash my hands, and if I touched my hair, I have to wash my hair. If I sleep in the bed without washing my hair the bed becomes contaminated. The contamination spreads all over.
2. Toilet paper is contaminated (even the new toilet paper in the store). He will avoid the aisle with the toilet paper. If I touch a roll of toilet paper I cannot touch him until I wash my hands.
3. Toilet cleaning supplies are contaminated
4. Washing machines and dirty laundry are contaminated. I found out about this when I did laundry and he came over and he asked me what I had been doing and I told him and he got very anxious and asked me if I had showered, washed my hair and changed clothes because if I did not he would have to leave because I was "dirty". (When I would do something that contaminated me he would tell me- "you're dirty right now - my mind thinks you are dirty"). He will avoid the aisle at Home Depot and Lowes where the washing machines are
5. The floor is contaminated; the ground is contaminated, feet are contaminated
6. Toilets are contaminated - he avoids the aisles at Home Depot and Lowes where the toilets are
7. All trash cans are contaminated - anything with trash is contaminated
8. Grocery carts are contaminated, he will not use one
9. Shoes are contaminated; the area from the knee down on anybody's pantleg is contaminated
10. He will not have any food in his kitchen - he does this to avoid creating trash so he won't have to throw anything away.
11. When he saw a pile of laundry on the floor he got extremely anxious and had to walk back and forth by it about 10 times. Even though he was a good 2 feet away from it, he said he was not sure if he touched it or not and had to keep walking back and forth staring at the pile of clothes
12. When I opened the door under the sink to throw something away - he was across the room but I had to open and close the door for him about 8 times so he could be sure he didn't touch the trash can
13. I set my purse on the ground while I did something and and put it in the passenger seat when I went to my car. He saw this and said, "I wish you didn't do that. You contaminated the seat." Consequently - he has not ridden in my car for 9 months because the seat is contaminated.
14. The climate control panel in his apartment was contaminated by a maintenance man 4 years ago, so he uses a pencil to adjust the setting rather than touch it himself.
15. When I was at his apartment I walked across the room and stood - not realizing the big trash bag had dirty laundry in it - I was about three feet away from it but he told me he would just assume that whole side of my body was contaminated since he was not sure if I touched it - even though I was quite a distance away from it
16. He takes tons of Immodium to block himself up in order to time his bowel movements so he can be at home where he can shower afterward
17. I used a napkin to pick something up off the floor at a meeting and threw it away. He would not sit next to me at the meeting. He sat one chair away because he told me he needed to stay safe since I had picked something up from the floor. I told him that I used a napkin and my hand did not touch the floor. He said it did not matter.
18. He told me that there had been many times he drove home from my house without his shirt on- because I had contaminated it and he did not want it to contaminate the seat belt so he would take it off, because for many things "once contaminated, always contaminated"
19. His dad is contaminated - this is so severe - in my opinion anyway. The entire office complex where his dad works is contaminated, any place his dad goes becomes permanently contaminated; the entire chain of grocery stores where his dad shops is contaminated - since he shops at one - all are contaminated; the same with restaurant chains - if his dad has eaten at one, they all are contaminated; anyone who has been around his dad is contaminated and remains so until they shower. The clothes I wore and jewelry I wore when I met his dad are permanently contaminated; his brothers are permanently contaminated because they have stayed with the dad; the brothers' families are contaminated'; his brothers and dad cannot even give him anything or send him anything in the mail because it will be contaminated and it will contaminate the mailbox. When his uncle visited, he walked underneath a tree and contaminated the leaves because his uncle stayed with his dad so his uncle is contaminated. However, he will talk to his dad on the phone, and exchange emails. I am not sure if this is difficult for him or not. This does not seem to be. He told me that if his dad ever came to my place that he could never come over again and it would probably doom our relationship.
20. My home is pretty much all contaminated; he is uncomfortable sitting at the dining table, sitting on the couch, being in the kitchen
21. He did not take home the Christmas present I got him. For a long time he told me he wanted to make a place for it at his apt. It was a sculpture - but later on I found out it was because it was in a box, in a gift bag in a larger bag and I had set it on the washing machine (before I knew washing machines were contaminated) and because I did this - the entire gift was contaminated.
22. He wears tight t-shirts in his apartment because he said he is worried that if he walks down the hall and is not paying attention his t-shirt might brush against the wall and get contaminated because there are parts of his walls that are contaminated.
Is this a typical case of contamination OCD, or would this be considered a more severe case?
Thank you
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