ERP process- scary HOCD thoughts

ive wrote 3 forums about my feelings on my HOCD. right now i have accepted that it is HOCD, and im in the process of using self exposure response prevention therapy. basically what happens is that you take your unwanted thoughts, bring them in, and neutralize the feeling. and you do it like the whole day and its supposed to get rid of the fear and doubt of not being the sexual orientation youve always been. i did it for a whole day and i could start to see a difference in the amount of obsessing ive done over the fear of turning gay/bi. but still, if im starting to not fear the thoughts, does it mean i can one day be gay? ive heard really horrifying stories of people realizing that theyre gay/bisexual at older ages, even in their 20s. can this happen to me too? can thoughts of doing gay things make you turn gay? i really just hate the thought of not being straight. i just cant stand the feeling that one day, i would fall for a girl. can someone please give me advice about the ERP therapy process? i have questions.
-can thoughts turn you gay when you start to fear them less?
-do people realize theyre not the sexual orientation they used to be when theyre around 15-20 years old?
-if someone is straight all their life will they always be straight??
-if i get anxiety around someone of the same sex that has been nice to me does that mean its a romantic attraction? i really think its just hocd anxiety but my hocd is telling me its something more and it makes me really scared. i dont fear at all what society thinks. its more of a "i really dont hope im gay" thing because i just cant see myself being gay/bi and ive never felt anything for girls but i fear that im hiding something more than just friendly attraction):
-also, my bisexual friend said she started noticing girls and it escelated from there and she could feel romantic attraction. but she also said she had doubts too? i have doubts all the time too. she said she really couldnt see herself being with a girl and occasionally found it uncomfortable, because she fell for boys all the time and her aunts and uncles didnt approve of gay stuff. then eventually she accepted that she could date girls too. either maybe shes not bisexual and she has hocd like me? or im just in deep DEEP denial about who i really am. please help!!

i really feel like i might just be bisexual. im starting to have this fluttery feeling about gay thoughts and thats either anxiety or i enjoy the thoughts. it makes me want to kick a wall and i feel like i want to cry): what if the self ERP therapy doesnt work, and it turns out ill fall for a girl? whenever i say "i have a girlfriend" i start to feel a little bit scared and uneasy. but what if i turn out like my friend whos already bisexual, because she couldnt picture herself with a girl either? what if i fall for a really boyish girl? what if i leave a future boyfriend for a girl??? theres a lot of girls i know who are bisexual and more people today are turning bisexual and it freaks me out because what if one day i turn bisexual? i feel like my ERP therapy wont work and i think ive just been lying to myself this whole time. i really need reassurance but i know it wont help. i just have this huge fear that one day i will fall for a girl and i feel like its starting to become real.

This is what's happening to me too.. I am a guy and I have these kind of thoughts and questions and doubts.. The funny is that, even if we're sure it's HOCD, we are afraid that the thoughts themselves will turn us gay or something.. It really freaks me out, leaving me with full anxiety.. I just wrote a really big article about all what happened to me and I really hope someone will read what I wrote and answer my post.. I hope you get better kitty, good luck with everything ! ♥

I'm starting to do this self-ERP myself, and yes, it's very scary, and I'm having the same fears as you. (In reverse.)

But what you don't seem to realize, is by coming back to this forum and asking more questions, you're delaying your ERP process. It seems scary at first, but I'm sure we will all go back to normal if we just chill out and stop obsessing.

Asking for reassurance is a mental compulsion.

Many obsessive compulsives begin to feel a sort of anxious guilt as they start to improve. It's as if the brain interprets the lessening of OCD symptoms as an OCD-trigger in itself, and spontaneously creates a second layer of meta-symptoms to try and hook you back in.

But don't let it trick you. I can assure you that what you're going through is an extremely common and textbook OCD experience ... and also personally sympathize that it can be extraordinarily frustrating.

Unfortunately, the only way out remains through. Best of luck.

thank you all very much(: i appreciate the support. although the way i got HOCD kind of freaks me out. so i was at the mall with my girl friend who brought her other girl friend ive never met. i guess i was in the wrong state of mind when i went to the mall with them, but my friends friend was being really nice to me. she was like "are you okay? i feel like youre being left out." and i sorta blushed and had this anxious feeling inside because she was being nice but... ??! thats never happened to me before around a girl! i sorta tried to avoid her. immediately started to think i was gay for her or something. it wasnt pleasant. i had these thoughts around her to kiss her or something to see how i feel. i started getting anxious around her and it makes me feel sick talking about it because it really didnt feel like attraction but something inside me was doubting it. does that mean i couldve been gay for her? i really dont like thinking about her or kissing her. thats what made me develop HOCD. i dont daydream about her or anything. but now that i have hocd i fear that it was something more. when i got home i immediately have a nervous breakdown. i started testing myself with gay thoughts and i literally slapped myself and started crying and it wasnt me. this is basically the root of my problem and it led me to believe i was gay. so i usually obsess and think"ok, if she was here right now, how would you feel?" and i would feel kind of anxious. then id question myself, "if she was gay, would you kiss her?" and im immediately scared and sorta nauseous.. was i romantically attracted to her?